hey. it's been a while.
yeah, not that while, honestly, it's been a long long long time since I last wrote something here.
My blog feels like a dark place to me. Mainly because it's the only place that I allow myself to be completely vulnerable. I spill all of my secrets here. The sadness, the good and the bad ones. I cry for help here, I share tips, I share almost everything...
when it gets too dark, I'm scared. I'm scared because I know they're thousands of strangers out there reading (I've seen the data ha), I do not know what they'll do. I'm not afraid if they're judging me or what...I'm just afraid if I ever accidentally influenced people to be sad all the time or do bad things ha.
I always want to be like Harry Edward Styles. The way he influenced people to be kind, it's just so so great. He always says Treat People With Kindness, and he does that. Time and time again always proves how much of a great person he is.
anyway, kan dah melalut lepas ke mana ntah lama tak tulis haha.
Okay, first of all, 2021.
How are you doing right now? Are you happy? Good?
what do you think about living a life with covid-19?
me? how am I doing right now? hmmm...I'll say I'm doing okay. Better. Better than the dark life I used to have. Like I wrote before, and you know that too, my uni's life ain't that great. I had it hard. But yeah, it's already over. So yeah, ofc I'm better.
I already started working this month. Can't believe that this time, life is as I wanted it to be.
Last year, during my last semester, I told myself that I wanted to take a break until the new year (2021), and then...I'd start working and living a great adult life.
and that's what had happened. I took a long break after I graduated (August 2020) till December 2020. I officially started working on 4th January 2021.
Finding a job in this covid19 era is a hard task...mainly for fresh graduates. Thousands of people are losing their jobs. Fresh graduates have to compete with each other and those people. It's hard.
I'm just glad that I still managed to secure a job at my dream workplace.
I always dream of working at shipyard or port. Guess what? I'm working at the port...that also has a shipyard...and the company that I'm working with is a very very big company. It has many ports all over Malaysia. I'm working at one of those ports. It also has some at overseas. So yeah... I'm very grateful. It won't be nice to complain about anything...and I have nothing to complain either. Hahaha.
Life is funny I'd say that.
I went to the interview (it's actually my very first interview), few days later, I received a call saying that I got the job! Really can't believe it cause I just told them about my course, why and how...it's the same story I wrote in this blog...how my decisions were influenced by ZAYN and then...korean drama that I watched. I told them that. When they asked about this and that, I answered. That's it.
That's why I still can't believe that I'm the chosen one, out of thousands that applied...and out of all of other people that were shortlisted and went to the interview session. They chose me after talking to me, after hearing my story...
I'm forever grateful for this opportunity. I won't take it for granted, that's for sure.
I'm so used of living a hard life (environmentally) since I was young, now...this year, I have this chance to live a life like this, it always feels like a dream. I'm afraid if I have to wake up one day.
About my job...I'm the youngest, and the only girl at my office. I work as an ******** there. I'm not gonna tell ya, you guess ha. It's fun so far, I've learned a lot...and yeah, already got my first payment for the first time in my life.
I do not have any problems with my officemates or my bosses...they're all great great great people who always treat me food...and they treat me right. It really feels like I'm living in a dream whenever I'm at my workplace. Cause you know, I'm not used to this. I'm happy with it, it's just that at the same time, I'm really afraid if I have to wake up from this dreammm aiyyyy how can I say this...
Anyway, I'm using Instagram a lot lately. Mainly because I want to update about my workplace, want to keep the memories there so that when I look back, I'll know that this ain't a dream. This is my life. I won't be able to say much cause most of the things are confidential, but I can post about the sea, the ships, the great great office views...so yeahh.. I'm actually doing just that. I love the fact that I can see the sea from my office, it's very calming and peaceful. Yeahhh just post that on my ig.
Pfff...but yeah...I'm still fangirling over 5SOS, ZAYN and Harry a lot. So yeahhhh (you'll be annoyed by that I guess) but yeahhh Idc. I just want to live the life that I want at my own pace without thinking much about what other people have to say. I'll do what I want. If you don't like it, it's fine. If you are okay with it or have something to say about it, it's also fine with me.
Like Zayn said in his new song....I'm unfuckwitable.
whewww...
You know what else 2021 already did to me? Well well well on 15th January, ZAYN finally released his third album!!!
If you know me, you know that I'd been waiting for this album for a long long time. 761 days of waiting, it's worth it. Well, cause ZAYN is THAT artist for me. He never disappointed me. I like his new album a lot. It's different from Icarus Falls, but different in a good way...I really can't believe it because yeahhh the way he always outdid himself...he's THAT great you know.
Right now, I'm waiting for Harry's third album and 5SOS fifth album.
yeahhh...my life always revolves on waiting for new albums from my favorite artists. It's fun you know. It's something that worth doing I tell ya. Most importantly, it makes me happy.
In life, no matter what you do, if you have the chance to do what makes yourself happy, I guess you better just do it. I've learnt the hard way, I do not want to go back living a dark and sad life.
Maybe...yeah maybe sometimes, I still feel sad... like right now, the PKP, some days, I have to work from home. It's stressful and I hate it. I rent a room somewhere near my workplace, and...it's the only bad thing so far in my life at the moment. I hate where I'm living right no. So so much. I love where I'm working right now. So so much.
I do not want to complain much, it's just yeahhhh I'm still looking for a new place to stay. Hopefully, I can move out from this house and this place soon.
Life's a beach anyway. Beach. Hahaha.
It will not always be the way you want it to be.
Okay lah, aku rasa cukup lah sampai sini.
p/s : Last year, I drew a lot. Banyak nak mampus. Around 10 sketchbooks camtu ha...even tengah final sem pun, I managed to spend time to draw that much. But then, this year, by 23rd January, satu habuk pun aku belum lukis...haishhhh the place I'm living rn makes it impossible I swearrrr
Tata. I hope that 2021 is treating you good so far. Wherever you are, I hope you're doing well. It's a tough time, I know...
"what matters most is how well you walk through the fire"
