Hello.
I feel like I can keep writing every single day till no more days left. Lol.
I don't even write about hard thing or something that needs a lot of researches, so see how easy this is...
So, today is #1YearOfIcarusFalls
Do you know about this album? If you don't, then bye! I don't want you here ever!
I can't believe that I live in a world where some people have no idea about Icarus Falls...
Goddddd.
Icarus Falls is a masterpiece by ZAYN that was released on 14th December 2018. It is so beautiful, and I can't even explain in words how beautiful it is.
To tell you the truth, since it came out, I never fail to listen to it every single day. Yeah... It's been 365 days, and I still want to listen to that album every day. I don't know why, but it just feels very right to do that.
I really hope it gets recognition that it deserves.
Zayn didn't do any promotion for this album, and well I feel bad for him...
His management did him real dirty. Urghh.
I still remember before this album was released, ZAYN was giving a lot of hints that involved red colour, green colour and yellow colour... Also a lot of roses.
He even tattooed a rose on his head...
But boom! Suddenly, this album came (felt rush) and personally, I don't think it's what Zayn really planned to release...
It felt so rush as the announcement was very last minute... And during the first week, there's no physical copies in a lot of shops yet...
So, see what I'm trying to say here.
But that doesn't mean it's a bad album or whatever, it's so so so great.
In my list, it's definitely my no 2,my top 2,the first one is BN by Troye Sivan... But heyyy, I've listened to a lot of albums, and it being no 2 speaks a lot.
And yeah, I still haven't stopped listening to it every single day... So yeahh
Imagine 27 songs, and no skip... Urghh so perfectly written (pfff... I usually skipped Sour Diesel before this, but yeahh I don't anymore)
Oh yeah, back to me.
I hate myself now because I can't even focus or do the right thing.
I feel like the vibes ain't there and I kinda want to end this faster.
But I guess I have to push myself more and just keep reminding myself that it won't be that long... Push myself hard only for few more days, then, I can rest forever after that, right?
Okay, bye...
Saturday, December 14, 2019
Sunday, December 08, 2019
Uni's life and feeling sad.
Hey, again I just feel like writing so that's what I'm doing right now.
It's up to you to think whatever about me.
This mainly needed to be written because I've told you before about my wish is to die before I turn 23...which is, less than a month left. I feel like I don't write much about my uni's life... And yeah, I think that it's the right time now.
I'm in my seventh semester, and one more semester left... Just one more...
But guess what? My eighth semester will happen when I'm 23,which I think it's... Hmm... I'm not sure whether I'll make it or not, feel weird to talk about this actually.
I'm not really ready to die, but I don't want to live anymore, I don't it's just I'm tired of just feeling sad all the time...
At first, I tried to stay positive by thinking that, maybe... Maybe it's just a phase, but then again, I reread back my old journals and all that, nahhh... This kinda feeling is always there.. And I have lost count of how many times I've tried to take my own life
Tiring... Tired... Yeah, whatever
I'm in my seventh semester now... Before, I thought that uni's life would be filled with friends, love and ambitions, but man, I was wrong
I don't have friends at all (told you before right, how in my course, there're only two girls... Me and someone else-but yeah, we only talk during class mainly because we're the only girls... Males classmates, hmm... I only talk to them during class too)
Maybe, it's my fault after all, I've built my walls up so high, I ain't never ready for anything more than just classmates whatsoever, I don't like to talk about the things in my head anyway, cause I know nobody cares...
And that other girl, it's never her fault I would say... She just happened to be luckier than me since the start... She got a nice roommate, who happens to have a group of nice friends, there's no point for her to hang out with me after class anyway, and yeah, you know how at first, I had a roommate but she quitted after first sem, and then... After her, I only stay in room attached with bathroom, there's no way I can make any new friends.
Obviously, I also don't join any other social activities, mainly because I'm socially awkward and I have low self-esteem. It's not that hard to start a conversation with someone new, but then... What makes it hard is when that someone, hmm... That someone has no interest in talking to you anymore when they have someone else.
And yeah, it always feels like I'm interviewing them, not having a conversation but interview...
They show no interest often, it just always makes me feel more useless and I always think and know that, yeah, maybe I'm not that interesting...
Maybe, I'm really that girl, that person that no one wants to associate with.
I cope with this by fangirling all the time, even when I'm basically an adult and I'm not supposed to fangirling anymore, but heyyy... I will feel more sad and lonely if I don't fangirling... Because I have no one to talk to at all after class, since forever...
And yeah, been living a life like this since first semester,
Every semester, I tell myself that I'm used to this, but fuckkkk, I'm lonely
I feel lonely, empty and I just want all of these to end
Talking about classes, I kid you not... It's just getting harder and harder every single semester... Engineering course (like any other course) is tough for me, a lot of time I don't understand why the old me chose this course,
The old me, I don't know who she is anymore, I feel like she's wiser than me, and she's ambitious and only aims more than her capabilities. I also feel like she doesn't really think right, I mean, maybe she thought differently, but mannnnnnn... Her actions are affecting my life now. If only I killed her long long time ago.
Maybe, I'll graduate if I don't die.
If I'm still alive, I don't know whether I will remember everything that I did in uni's life, these sad feelings, I want them to go away, I don't want to remember about anything... I hate this I hate this
Why can't I feel happy anymore?
Where it all goes wrong?
Why?
Why?
And yeah, of course, of course, I envy others that have friends and live a nice uni's life, have supportive friends, a loving boyfriend and yadda yadda
While I'm here have to face everything alone, I'M TIRED OF THIS.
I don't understand certain things that I've learnt in class, yeah.. Have to figure out myself till I get the answers
Have to eat alone every meal, yeahh... It's normal absolutely
Have no one to talk to after class, yeah... Normal too...
Maybe, it's better for me to stop living after all, but then again, wtf do I know?
Yeah whatever, no sure why I said I need to write about this... Bye!
It's up to you to think whatever about me.
This mainly needed to be written because I've told you before about my wish is to die before I turn 23...which is, less than a month left. I feel like I don't write much about my uni's life... And yeah, I think that it's the right time now.
I'm in my seventh semester, and one more semester left... Just one more...
But guess what? My eighth semester will happen when I'm 23,which I think it's... Hmm... I'm not sure whether I'll make it or not, feel weird to talk about this actually.
I'm not really ready to die, but I don't want to live anymore, I don't it's just I'm tired of just feeling sad all the time...
At first, I tried to stay positive by thinking that, maybe... Maybe it's just a phase, but then again, I reread back my old journals and all that, nahhh... This kinda feeling is always there.. And I have lost count of how many times I've tried to take my own life
Tiring... Tired... Yeah, whatever
I'm in my seventh semester now... Before, I thought that uni's life would be filled with friends, love and ambitions, but man, I was wrong
I don't have friends at all (told you before right, how in my course, there're only two girls... Me and someone else-but yeah, we only talk during class mainly because we're the only girls... Males classmates, hmm... I only talk to them during class too)
Maybe, it's my fault after all, I've built my walls up so high, I ain't never ready for anything more than just classmates whatsoever, I don't like to talk about the things in my head anyway, cause I know nobody cares...
And that other girl, it's never her fault I would say... She just happened to be luckier than me since the start... She got a nice roommate, who happens to have a group of nice friends, there's no point for her to hang out with me after class anyway, and yeah, you know how at first, I had a roommate but she quitted after first sem, and then... After her, I only stay in room attached with bathroom, there's no way I can make any new friends.
Obviously, I also don't join any other social activities, mainly because I'm socially awkward and I have low self-esteem. It's not that hard to start a conversation with someone new, but then... What makes it hard is when that someone, hmm... That someone has no interest in talking to you anymore when they have someone else.
And yeah, it always feels like I'm interviewing them, not having a conversation but interview...
They show no interest often, it just always makes me feel more useless and I always think and know that, yeah, maybe I'm not that interesting...
Maybe, I'm really that girl, that person that no one wants to associate with.
I cope with this by fangirling all the time, even when I'm basically an adult and I'm not supposed to fangirling anymore, but heyyy... I will feel more sad and lonely if I don't fangirling... Because I have no one to talk to at all after class, since forever...
And yeah, been living a life like this since first semester,
Every semester, I tell myself that I'm used to this, but fuckkkk, I'm lonely
I feel lonely, empty and I just want all of these to end
Talking about classes, I kid you not... It's just getting harder and harder every single semester... Engineering course (like any other course) is tough for me, a lot of time I don't understand why the old me chose this course,
The old me, I don't know who she is anymore, I feel like she's wiser than me, and she's ambitious and only aims more than her capabilities. I also feel like she doesn't really think right, I mean, maybe she thought differently, but mannnnnnn... Her actions are affecting my life now. If only I killed her long long time ago.
Maybe, I'll graduate if I don't die.
If I'm still alive, I don't know whether I will remember everything that I did in uni's life, these sad feelings, I want them to go away, I don't want to remember about anything... I hate this I hate this
Why can't I feel happy anymore?
Where it all goes wrong?
Why?
Why?
And yeah, of course, of course, I envy others that have friends and live a nice uni's life, have supportive friends, a loving boyfriend and yadda yadda
While I'm here have to face everything alone, I'M TIRED OF THIS.
I don't understand certain things that I've learnt in class, yeah.. Have to figure out myself till I get the answers
Have to eat alone every meal, yeahh... It's normal absolutely
Have no one to talk to after class, yeah... Normal too...
Maybe, it's better for me to stop living after all, but then again, wtf do I know?
Yeah whatever, no sure why I said I need to write about this... Bye!
Thursday, November 14, 2019
November 2019 : Most Played
From #1 to #100, the list of the songs that I always listen to lately...
This is my third time making this list, and I'm living it because I love listening to music, I listen to music almost all the time...
They tell stories...
They calm me down...
#1 I think I'm OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD, Travis Barker
#2 Pegao - CNCO & Manuel Turizo
#3 Too Much (feat. Timbaland) - ZAYN
#4 ilomilo - Billie Eilish
#5 Die a Little - YUNGBLUD
#6 Easier - 5 Seconds of Summer
#7 Trampoline - SHAED & ZAYN
#8 Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer
#9 I Don't Mind - ZAYN
#10 Pagsubok - Daniel Padilla
#11 Sorry - Jonas Brothers
#12 Insomnia - ZAYN
#13 Another Summer Night Without You - Alexander 23
#14 The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds of Summer
#15 A Whole New World - ZAYN & Zhavia Ward
#16 Lights Up - Harry Styles
#17 Telephone - Waterparks
#18 La Ley - CNCO
#19 Mamita - CNCO
#20 Never Bloom Again - Waterparks
#21 Rumors (feat. ZAYN) - Sabrina Claudio
#22 Broken Pieces - 5 Seconds of Summer
#23 pete davidson - Ariana Grande
#24 fuck, i'm lonely (feat. Anne-Marie) - Lauv
#25 I Will Follow You Into The Dark (cover) - YUNGBLUD & Halsey
#26 Takeaway (feat. Lennon Stella) - The Chainsmokers & Illenium
#27 Happy Little Pill (Live Version) - Troye Sivan
#28 It's Not Too Late - Demi Lovato
#29 My Everything - Ariana Grande
#30 Start Again (feat. Logic) - OneRepublic
#31 Common - ZAYN
#32 Cry For Me - Camila Cabello
#33 Mabagal - Daniel Padilla & Moira Dela Torre
#34 I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore - Waterparks
#35 Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Daniel Padilla, Morissette
#36 I Can't Get Enough - benny blanco, Tainy, Selena Gomez & J Balvin
#37 i love you - Billie Eilish
#38 I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Acoustic) - ZAYN
#39 Somebody To Love (cover) - Troye Sivan
#40 EASE (feat. Broods) - Troye Sivan
#41 Hope For The Underrated Youth - YUNGBLUD
#42 Ordinary World (feat. Miranda Lambert) - Green Day
#43 Fingers - ZAYN
#44 Outer Space / Carry On - 5 Seconds of Summer
#45 Sa Aking Piling - Daniel Padilla
#46 Drown (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#47 Nag-Iisa Lang - Angeline Quinto
#48 Shameless - Camila Cabello
#49 These Four Walls - Little Mix
#50 Pangako Sa'yo - Daniel Padilla
#51 Safety Pin - 5 Seconds of Summer
#52 The Fault In Our Stars (MMXIV) - Troye Sivan
#53 Vapor - 5 Seconds of Summer
#54 With A Smile - Daniel Padilla
#55 This Town - Niall Horan
#56 Dancing With A Stranger (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#57 A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers
#58 Me, Myself and I (cover) - ZAYN
#59 Rena Ng Puso Ko - Daniel Padilla
#60 Teenage Dream (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#61 11 Minutes - YUNGBLUD, Halsey, Travis Barker
#62 Back To Life - ZAYN
#63 fOoL fOr YoU - ZAYN
#64 Lost In Reality - 5 Seconds of Summer
#65 When You Walk Away - 5 Seconds of Summer
#66 Bahala Na - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#67 COOL - Troye Sivan
#68 GOLDEN - ZAYN
#69 hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - Lana Del Rey
#70 lUcOzAdE - ZAYN
#71 Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey
#72 No Erase - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#73 Soldier - Before You Exit
#74 Till I Met You - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#75 One Day At A Time - Jonas Brothers
#76 Out of My Limit (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#77 There You Are - ZAYN
#78 Unlimited And Free - Daniel Padilla
#79 Hinahanap-Hanap Kita - Daniel Padilla
#80 Ikaw At Ako - Moira and Jason
#81 Lose You to Love Me - Selena Gomez
#82 Quisiera (feat. Abraham Mateo) - CNCO
#83 Story of Another Us - 5 Seconds of Summer
#84 Tomorrow Never Dies - 5 Seconds of Summer
#85 Como Así - Lali & CNCO
#86 Grow Old With You - Daniel Padilla
#87 Valentine (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#88 18 (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#89 All That - ZAYN
#90 Can't Help Falling In Love (cover) - Daniel Padilla
#91 Dusk Till Dawn (feat. Sia) - ZAYN
#92 Invisible - 5 Seconds of Summer
#93 Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grande
#94 Killer Queen (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#95 Kumusta Ka - Daniel Padilla
#96 Primera Cita - CNCO
#97 Walang Iba - Daniel Padilla
#98 Youngblood (Acoustic) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#99 Better Man (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#100 Ghost of You (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
This is my third time making this list, and I'm living it because I love listening to music, I listen to music almost all the time...
They tell stories...
They calm me down...
#1 I think I'm OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD, Travis Barker
#2 Pegao - CNCO & Manuel Turizo
#3 Too Much (feat. Timbaland) - ZAYN
#4 ilomilo - Billie Eilish
#5 Die a Little - YUNGBLUD
#6 Easier - 5 Seconds of Summer
#7 Trampoline - SHAED & ZAYN
#8 Teeth - 5 Seconds of Summer
#9 I Don't Mind - ZAYN
#10 Pagsubok - Daniel Padilla
#11 Sorry - Jonas Brothers
#12 Insomnia - ZAYN
#13 Another Summer Night Without You - Alexander 23
#14 The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds of Summer
#15 A Whole New World - ZAYN & Zhavia Ward
#16 Lights Up - Harry Styles
#17 Telephone - Waterparks
#18 La Ley - CNCO
#19 Mamita - CNCO
#20 Never Bloom Again - Waterparks
#21 Rumors (feat. ZAYN) - Sabrina Claudio
#22 Broken Pieces - 5 Seconds of Summer
#23 pete davidson - Ariana Grande
#24 fuck, i'm lonely (feat. Anne-Marie) - Lauv
#25 I Will Follow You Into The Dark (cover) - YUNGBLUD & Halsey
#26 Takeaway (feat. Lennon Stella) - The Chainsmokers & Illenium
#27 Happy Little Pill (Live Version) - Troye Sivan
#28 It's Not Too Late - Demi Lovato
#29 My Everything - Ariana Grande
#30 Start Again (feat. Logic) - OneRepublic
#31 Common - ZAYN
#32 Cry For Me - Camila Cabello
#33 Mabagal - Daniel Padilla & Moira Dela Torre
#34 I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore - Waterparks
#35 Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Daniel Padilla, Morissette
#36 I Can't Get Enough - benny blanco, Tainy, Selena Gomez & J Balvin
#37 i love you - Billie Eilish
#38 I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Acoustic) - ZAYN
#39 Somebody To Love (cover) - Troye Sivan
#40 EASE (feat. Broods) - Troye Sivan
#41 Hope For The Underrated Youth - YUNGBLUD
#42 Ordinary World (feat. Miranda Lambert) - Green Day
#43 Fingers - ZAYN
#44 Outer Space / Carry On - 5 Seconds of Summer
#45 Sa Aking Piling - Daniel Padilla
#46 Drown (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#47 Nag-Iisa Lang - Angeline Quinto
#48 Shameless - Camila Cabello
#49 These Four Walls - Little Mix
#50 Pangako Sa'yo - Daniel Padilla
#51 Safety Pin - 5 Seconds of Summer
#52 The Fault In Our Stars (MMXIV) - Troye Sivan
#53 Vapor - 5 Seconds of Summer
#54 With A Smile - Daniel Padilla
#55 This Town - Niall Horan
#56 Dancing With A Stranger (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#57 A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers
#58 Me, Myself and I (cover) - ZAYN
#59 Rena Ng Puso Ko - Daniel Padilla
#60 Teenage Dream (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#61 11 Minutes - YUNGBLUD, Halsey, Travis Barker
#62 Back To Life - ZAYN
#63 fOoL fOr YoU - ZAYN
#64 Lost In Reality - 5 Seconds of Summer
#65 When You Walk Away - 5 Seconds of Summer
#66 Bahala Na - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#67 COOL - Troye Sivan
#68 GOLDEN - ZAYN
#69 hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - Lana Del Rey
#70 lUcOzAdE - ZAYN
#71 Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey
#72 No Erase - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#73 Soldier - Before You Exit
#74 Till I Met You - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#75 One Day At A Time - Jonas Brothers
#76 Out of My Limit (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#77 There You Are - ZAYN
#78 Unlimited And Free - Daniel Padilla
#79 Hinahanap-Hanap Kita - Daniel Padilla
#80 Ikaw At Ako - Moira and Jason
#81 Lose You to Love Me - Selena Gomez
#82 Quisiera (feat. Abraham Mateo) - CNCO
#83 Story of Another Us - 5 Seconds of Summer
#84 Tomorrow Never Dies - 5 Seconds of Summer
#85 Como Así - Lali & CNCO
#86 Grow Old With You - Daniel Padilla
#87 Valentine (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#88 18 (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#89 All That - ZAYN
#90 Can't Help Falling In Love (cover) - Daniel Padilla
#91 Dusk Till Dawn (feat. Sia) - ZAYN
#92 Invisible - 5 Seconds of Summer
#93 Just a Little Bit of Your Heart - Ariana Grande
#94 Killer Queen (cover) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#95 Kumusta Ka - Daniel Padilla
#96 Primera Cita - CNCO
#97 Walang Iba - Daniel Padilla
#98 Youngblood (Acoustic) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#99 Better Man (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
#100 Ghost of You (Live) - 5 Seconds of Summer
Tuesday, October 15, 2019
Hooked : October 2019
Hello!
The list of songs that I listened to a lot lately... BOOM!
Anyway, since Zayn is the one who has most songs in my top 10, I'm gonna highlight all of his songs in my top 100.
Also, since 5SOS has most songs in my top 100, of course, I'm gonna highlight too (but in Yellow)...
And, yeah...since I'm gonna highlight two, why not three...so yeah, I feel like I listen to Daniel Padilla's songs a lot too, so hell yeahh...am gonna highlight that one too!
#1 Ilomilo - Billie Eilish
#2 Too Much (feat. Timbaland) - Zayn
#3 Easier - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#4 Teeth - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#5 Trampoline - SHAED & Zayn
#6 Sorry - Jonas Brothers
#7 Insomnia - Zayn
#8 The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#9 I Don't Mind - Zayn
#10 Another Summer Night Without You - Alexander 23
#11 A Whole New World - Zayn & Zhavia Ward
#12 I Think I'm OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, Yungblud & Travis Barker
#13 Hope For The Underrated Youth - Yungblud
#14 Mamita - CNCO
#15 Broken Pieces - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#16 Takeaway (feat. Lennon Stella) - The Chainsmokers & Illenium
#17 Telephone - Waterparks
#18 Die a Little - Yungblud
#19 Happy Little Pill (Live Version) - Troye Sivan
#20 Lights Up - Harry Styles
#21 Pagsubok - Daniel Padilla
#22 Common - Zayn
#23 I Can't Get Enough - Benny Blanco, Tainy, Selena Gomez & J Balvin
#24 I Love You - Billie Eilish
#25 Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Daniel Padilla, Morissette
#26 Mabagal - Daniel Padilla & Moira Dela Torre
#27 Never Bloom Again - Waterparks
#28 EASE (feat. Broods) - Troye Sivan
#29 Outer Space/Carry On - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#30 Drown (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#31 Nag-Iisa Lang - Angeline Quinto
#32 Ordinary World (feat. Miranda Lambert) - Green Day
#33 Shameless - Camila Cabello
#34 I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Acoustic) - Zayn
#35 I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore - Waterparks
#36 I Will Follow You Into The Dark (cover) - Yungblud & Halsey
#37 Pangako Sa'yo - Daniel Padilla
#38 These Four Walls - Little Mix
#39 Fuck, I'm Lonely (feat. Anne-Marie) - Lauv
#40 Safety Pin - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#41 The Fault In Our Stars (MMXIV) - Troye Sivan
#42 Vapor - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#43 Cry For Me - Camila Cabello
#44 Sa Aking Piling - Daniel Padilla
#45 This Town - Niall Horan
#46 With A Smile - Daniel Padilla
#47 A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers
#48 Reyna Ng Puso Ko - Daniel Padilla
#49 Teenage Dream (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#50 Bahala Na - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#51 COOL - Troye Sivan
#52 Lost In Reality - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#53 No Erase - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#54 When You Walk Away - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#55 Back To Life - Zayn
#56 Out of My Limit (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#57 Soldier - Before You Exit
#58 GOLDEN - Zayn
#59 Hinahanap-Hanap Kita - Daniel Padilla
#60 Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have (But I Have It) - Lana Del Rey
#61 Ikaw At Ako - Moira & Jason
#62 Till I Met You - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#63 One Day At A Time - Jonas Brothers
#64 Tomorrow Never Dies - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#65 Unlimited And Free - Daniel Padilla
#66 Dancing With A Stranger (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#67 Story Of Another Us - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#68 18 (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#69 Grow Old With You - Daniel Padilla
#70 Invisible - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#71 Kumusta Ka - Daniel Padilla
#72 Lucozade - Zayn
#73 Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey
#74 Valentine (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#75 Walang Iba - Daniel Padilla
#76 Youngblood (Acoustic) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#77 Better Man (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#78 Can't Help Falling In Love (cover) - Daniel Padilla
#79 Fool For You - Zayn
#80 Ghost Of You (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#81 Killer Queen (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#82 Primera Cita - CNCO
#83 The Girl Who Cried Wolf - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#84 There You Are - Zayn
#85 Truthfully - DNCE
#86 A Little Too Much - Shawn Mendes
#87 All That - Zayn
#88 Dusk Till Dawn (feat. Sia) - Zayn
#89 If Walls Could Talk (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#90 Lie To Me (feat. Julia Michaels) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#91 Stay (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#92 Voodoo Doll - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#93 Wasabi - Little Mix
#94 Waste The Night (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#95 Who - Zayn
#96 Broken Home - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#97 Catch Fire - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#98 Disconnected - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#99 Drown - Bring Me The Horizon
#100 Easy - Camila Cabello
The list of songs that I listened to a lot lately... BOOM!
Anyway, since Zayn is the one who has most songs in my top 10, I'm gonna highlight all of his songs in my top 100.
Also, since 5SOS has most songs in my top 100, of course, I'm gonna highlight too (but in Yellow)...
And, yeah...since I'm gonna highlight two, why not three...so yeah, I feel like I listen to Daniel Padilla's songs a lot too, so hell yeahh...am gonna highlight that one too!
#1 Ilomilo - Billie Eilish
#2 Too Much (feat. Timbaland) - Zayn
#3 Easier - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#4 Teeth - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#5 Trampoline - SHAED & Zayn
#6 Sorry - Jonas Brothers
#7 Insomnia - Zayn
#8 The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#9 I Don't Mind - Zayn
#10 Another Summer Night Without You - Alexander 23
#11 A Whole New World - Zayn & Zhavia Ward
#12 I Think I'm OKAY - Machine Gun Kelly, Yungblud & Travis Barker
#13 Hope For The Underrated Youth - Yungblud
#14 Mamita - CNCO
#15 Broken Pieces - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#16 Takeaway (feat. Lennon Stella) - The Chainsmokers & Illenium
#17 Telephone - Waterparks
#18 Die a Little - Yungblud
#19 Happy Little Pill (Live Version) - Troye Sivan
#20 Lights Up - Harry Styles
#21 Pagsubok - Daniel Padilla
#22 Common - Zayn
#23 I Can't Get Enough - Benny Blanco, Tainy, Selena Gomez & J Balvin
#24 I Love You - Billie Eilish
#25 Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Daniel Padilla, Morissette
#26 Mabagal - Daniel Padilla & Moira Dela Torre
#27 Never Bloom Again - Waterparks
#28 EASE (feat. Broods) - Troye Sivan
#29 Outer Space/Carry On - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#30 Drown (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#31 Nag-Iisa Lang - Angeline Quinto
#32 Ordinary World (feat. Miranda Lambert) - Green Day
#33 Shameless - Camila Cabello
#34 I Don't Wanna Live Forever (Acoustic) - Zayn
#35 I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore - Waterparks
#36 I Will Follow You Into The Dark (cover) - Yungblud & Halsey
#37 Pangako Sa'yo - Daniel Padilla
#38 These Four Walls - Little Mix
#39 Fuck, I'm Lonely (feat. Anne-Marie) - Lauv
#40 Safety Pin - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#41 The Fault In Our Stars (MMXIV) - Troye Sivan
#42 Vapor - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#43 Cry For Me - Camila Cabello
#44 Sa Aking Piling - Daniel Padilla
#45 This Town - Niall Horan
#46 With A Smile - Daniel Padilla
#47 A Little Bit Longer - Jonas Brothers
#48 Reyna Ng Puso Ko - Daniel Padilla
#49 Teenage Dream (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#50 Bahala Na - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#51 COOL - Troye Sivan
#52 Lost In Reality - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#53 No Erase - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#54 When You Walk Away - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#55 Back To Life - Zayn
#56 Out of My Limit (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#57 Soldier - Before You Exit
#58 GOLDEN - Zayn
#59 Hinahanap-Hanap Kita - Daniel Padilla
#60 Hope Is A Dangerous Thing For A Woman Like Me To Have (But I Have It) - Lana Del Rey
#61 Ikaw At Ako - Moira & Jason
#62 Till I Met You - James Reid & Nadine Lustre
#63 One Day At A Time - Jonas Brothers
#64 Tomorrow Never Dies - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#65 Unlimited And Free - Daniel Padilla
#66 Dancing With A Stranger (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#67 Story Of Another Us - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#68 18 (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#69 Grow Old With You - Daniel Padilla
#70 Invisible - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#71 Kumusta Ka - Daniel Padilla
#72 Lucozade - Zayn
#73 Mariners Apartment Complex - Lana Del Rey
#74 Valentine (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#75 Walang Iba - Daniel Padilla
#76 Youngblood (Acoustic) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#77 Better Man (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#78 Can't Help Falling In Love (cover) - Daniel Padilla
#79 Fool For You - Zayn
#80 Ghost Of You (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#81 Killer Queen (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#82 Primera Cita - CNCO
#83 The Girl Who Cried Wolf - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#84 There You Are - Zayn
#85 Truthfully - DNCE
#86 A Little Too Much - Shawn Mendes
#87 All That - Zayn
#88 Dusk Till Dawn (feat. Sia) - Zayn
#89 If Walls Could Talk (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#90 Lie To Me (feat. Julia Michaels) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#91 Stay (cover) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#92 Voodoo Doll - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#93 Wasabi - Little Mix
#94 Waste The Night (Live) - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#95 Who - Zayn
#96 Broken Home - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#97 Catch Fire - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#98 Disconnected - 5 Seconds Of Summer
#99 Drown - Bring Me The Horizon
#100 Easy - Camila Cabello
Saturday, September 07, 2019
Lost In Reality
Halo.
To say that I'm in the right mood, hmm... no, I'm certainly not. But here, let me put it this way, I have no idea when will I be in the right mood. So yeahh...I'm just gonna spill the tea (lol, ye ke?)
Hahaha. Whatever, I'm gonna share my stories about everything that happened...and my experiences in doing the internship at company X. Yes, let's call it company X cause nahh... tak da guna pun cakap nama company, untuk apa ? Hehh...
Okay, like I told you before, I received zero allowance. So, segala makan, pakai, ubat-ubatan, serta hal2 yang berkait sepenuhnya ditanggung oleh my dad. He provided everything that I asked for including a room with air conditioner (yes sebab I princess intern pun kena duduk aircond gituu...lol) yang mana sama bangunan dengan company yang I did my internship at.
Easy said, it only took me a minute to go to the office from where I stay. No need to cross the road, take a vehicle or whatsoever...not even need to take the elevator. Just need to walk for a few steps. Yes, memang bunyi dekat gila, sebab dekat gila...and price dia pulak, hmm tak recommend sangat dekat mana2 pihak...especially student, memang personally, aku pun rasa mahal. Nak pulak sebab kontrak, jadi tak boleh sewa 3 bulan je, walaupun nak intern 3 bulan aje. Per month, minimum RM500... kalau guna eletrik atau air lebih, ha, bayar la lebih (selalu memang lebih). Tak ada mesin basuh, tak boleh masak.
Ha, selalu aku basuh baju dekat dobi, makan pulak...usually aku order grab food. Tak pun, kalau rajin aku keluar la date. Ada je kedai makan yang dekat, tapi kedai mamak...dan yeah, aku tak minat nak makan mamak. (Pardon, aku memang camni, kalau menyampah stop reading, bye!). Jadi ya, hmm bayangkan segala kos ni di tanggung oleh my dad. Aku rasa bersalah jugak banyak kali, dan banyak kali jugak my dad marah untuk tidak rasa bersalah. Dia cakap, tak payah fikir benda tu semua, tu dia dah pilih untuk bertanggungjawab, jadi fokus saja la buat intern tu buat apa fikir banyak, bukan boleh buat apapun.
Hmm... so hari first?
Btw, aku intern ni bersama 3 orang lagi kawan aku, jadi nak kata takut terketar2 (memandangkan aku tak pernah langsung bekerja dimana2) ha, tu tak sangat la. Sebab aku dah set in mind dari awal, aku intern sebab nak grad... nanti kang tak leh grad pulak...jadi, asal settle intern ni, dah okay. Aku pun awal2 lagi dah ready la kalau kena marah ke apa.
Antara kitorang bereempat, aku ni kategori yang paling tak ada experience la fasal working industry. Kawan-kawan aku semua dah pernah kerja part time, ada sorang tu sebab background dia diploma, jadi dia dah pernah pun intern (cuma dekat company lain) and dia pun dah pernah kerja sekejap. Rasa kecik, insecure...ahh semua tu sudah jadi bahagian dari diri aku.
Hari first ? Hmm, aku tak ingat sangat macam mana...tapi, aku agak terkejut dengan working environment...and ahhh aku diberi task untuk explore software yang bakal aku guna iaitu Rhino-3D. Rhino-3D ni, kalau untuk design kapal, memang sangat2 berguna, dan selalu orang guna. Tetapi, agak kesal sebab dekat uni aku tak pernah guna lagi. Tetapi, tidak apala, time intern ni aku dapat belajar guna.
Kemudian, hari kedua, aku dah diamanahkan untuk buat task. Ini memang real punya, sebab ni la kerja sebenar. Aku baca tender kejap, tengok harga buat mulut aku ternganga. Ahhh.
Task aku yang first sekali kena buat ship resistance report. Task ni, tak susah sangat sebab aku dibantu oleh marine engineer dan naval architect yang ada dekat company ni. Jadi, kalau aku tak tahu, tinggal tanya aje, diorang akan guide dengan sabarnya. Oh yeah, company ni, selain boss, pekerja lain semua masih under 30, rata2 bujang dan lelaki. Gitu haa...jadi environment kat sini, memang la friendly anak2 muda. Pfff...apa aku merepek ni.
Ha btw, cerita harian ni, nanti jadi panjang pulak...semuanya ada 60 + 1 hari (pfff +1 sebab ada satu hari Sabtu tu, terpaksa kerja...sampai malam pulak tu)...jadi, hmm, aku nak cerita weekly la ye... kalau weekly aku tulis tetiba rasa panjang, it's okay, aku boleh pendekkan jadi monthly. Hahaha.
Sebabnya aku ni cepat lupa orangnya. Tambah2 kalau benda tu tak sangat menggembirakan aku, lagila aku cepat lupa. Aku kan tak boleh stress2 nanti sakit.
So hmm, as a summary, for my first week, I did ship resistance report and fuel consumption report, I modified and analyzed the data of preliminary power vs ship, I analyzed free surface...etc
Ha, tengok minggu pertama je, tasks bukan main...susah ye anak2, lepas tu kena explore software yang nak guna tu quickly. Memang jujur cakap, masuk industri, it's important untuk jadi fast-learner. Bila saja aku cakap task dah siap, boss aku, dengan cepatnya akan bagi task baru. Kadang-kadang, belum sempat siap lagi, task baru akan di briefing dulu. Jadi, ya, bila dah tau akan ada banyakkkkk lagi task, memang la nak kena buat segala-galanya cepat-cepat. Tapi, awas... kesilapan2 perlu dielakkan.
So far, minggu first, software yang aku guna : Rhino-3D, Maxsurf Resistance, Maxsurf Stability, Maxsurf Motion, Maxsurf Fitting, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Words
And to tell you the truth, selama tiga tahun aku dekat uni, aku hanya pernah guna microsoft excel dengan Microsoft words je. Maxsurf yang aku guna waktu kat uni hanya Maxsurf Modeller, dan untuk first week aku belum dapat task yang perlu guna software tersebut.
Hmm...aku memang rasa penat jugak la during first week sebab rasa banyak sangat yang perlu belajar, lepas tu dengan pergi kerja jam 9 balik jam 6, tentula rasa penat. Kalau pergi kelas kan, mana ada macam ni, mana ada balik lewat. And...yes, waktu minggu pertama...ada satu hari tu kena OT. Balik agak lewat. (pff...tapi aku cabut balik awal, sebab aku pikir aku cumala intern yang tak dibayar - tapi, ada sorang kawan aku ni, dia kena stay...and kau tau sampai jam berapa? 1 pagi)
Arghhh.
Kau bacakan apa yang aku tulis ? Jadi, apa perasaan kau ?
Aku memang jujur cakap, first week aku penat, aku koyak...aku rasa nak quit. Tetapi memikirkan, kalau quit pun, nanti kena start over... internship ni kena jugak buat, kalau tak, tak boleh grad. Dan aku fikir jugak yang bapak aku dah bayar deposit bilik 2k+++ (ye bilik sewa mahal, deposit lagila) jadi, aku positifkan diri. Tak pa, aku teruskan.
Masuk minggu kedua, aku diberi tugas yang memerlukan aku untuk guna Maxsurf Modeller. And yassss... waktu semester 6, susah betul nak guna software ni, sampai ke sudah aku tak reti sangat pun. Tetapi, di ofis ni, aku kena juga selesaikan tugas yang diamanahkan, jadi, nak tak nak aku kena belajar sampai reti guna.
Aku perlu buat ship hull based on its general arrangement drawing. Lepas tu, aku perlu modify sini-sana sikit dengan menambah chines, skeg and blablablabla. Dah siap ship hull, aku perlu guna Rhino-3D untuk pastikan ianya smooth...kalau tak, perlu modify lagi. Lepas dah siap, aku perlu buat lines plan drawing pulak. Yasss, lines plan drawing yang harga ribu-ribu tu, aku perlu buat.
Lines plan drawing ni, nak buat dia, perlu combination of these three softwares : Maxsurf Modeller, Rhino-3D and AutoCAD.
Tugasan membuat ship hull dan lines plan ni, aku ambik masa dua minggu. Jadi, cerita minggu ketiga aku sama macam minggu kedua, cuma
pffff...ada tambahan la.
Di minggu ketiga, aku perlu cari tahu tentang suface piercing propellers, sebabnya kapal yang aku nak buat ni, akan guna pakai propellers jenis tersebut. Lepas tu, boss aku bagi tugas lagi...katanya aku perlu design superstructure and wheelhouse. Jadi, ya tentula aku perlu cari tau segala maklumat tentang aesthetics values and the choice of the designs etc.
Ternganga mulut aku. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tak sangka, seorang intern diberi tugasan yang berat macam ni, berat untuk orang yang zero pengalaman, berat sangat bila tahu benda yang aku buat ni, realiti. Lepas dapat tahu yang projek yang aku terlibat ni, jutaan ringgit...lagila aku rasa berat itu.
pfff...kawan2 aku yang lain, pun sama juga diberi tugas berat, tetapi tugasan2 kitorang tak sama. Ada dapat itu, ada dapat ini...sebab nak design kapal ni, bukanla hal yang boleh dibuat oleh satu individu. Perlu ada sekumpulan individu yang memikul sama berat segala-gala tugasan.
Minggu keempat pulak, aku kena adjust sikit lagi hull yang aku buat waktu minggu kedua dan ada tambahan satu lagi hull yang perlu aku buat, sebab ada requirements baru. Degree hull tu, kena betulkan, chines pun, kena betulkan...for better grip on the water gitu.... ahhh...
Lepas tu kena lengkapkan Humphree forms, dan perlu kira la segala VCG, LCG, volume etc.
Minggu kelima pulak... (Adakah anda sudah menguap? Adakah cerita aku membosankan? Nanti dulu...)
Jeng jeng jeng... minggu kelima merupakan minggu terberat aku sebab aku jatuh sakit yang teruk. Sakit yang even nak jalan dan duduk pun seksanya tuhan sahajala yang tahu.
Waktu minggu kelima, aku pun start la nak design superstucture tu, baru buat sikit aku sakit. (Tugas aku kemudian di ambik alih oleh kawan aku - lol). Aku benar2 terseksa waktu aku sakit ni. Tapi, dalam masa yang sama bersyukur la juga, at least tugas aku orang lain buat... tugasan tu dah la susah...sampai ke minggu ke 11 masih nak adjust itu ini blablablabla serabut kepala. Kesian juga kawan aku yang terpaksa ambik alih tu...tapi, kesian lagi aku yang sakit ni.
Jadi hmm, sebab sakit, aku pun terpaksa la ambik cuti. Aku pergi hospital, doktor bagi referral letter untuk aku refer pakar. And yes, doktor cakap, kena bedah dengan segera kalau nak hapuskan sakit ni. Banyak drama air mata. Aku pun sampai tak larat nak nangis.
Aku cuma nak duduk, tapi tak boleh...sakit. Jadi aku menangis sambil berbaring...
Pastu, nak ke bilik air...aku perlu jalan a few steps...ni pun, seksanya...ya Rabbi...memang parah sakit aku ini.
Waktu ni, mental aku memang koyakannya bertambah banyaknya. Aku tak leh tipu diri aku, sakit yang aku tanggung, tak boleh lagi nak aku sorokkan. Sakit.
Aku hilang segala kekuatan yang tinggal dalam diri aku.
pff... kbye, malas nak cerita fasal ni, bila teringat balik memang aku nak nangis balik. Pastu nanti, aku koyak lagi. Memang tak la...ahhh...
So hmm
Minggu keenam, aku kena design bahagian belakang ship pulak...dan blablablabla
I'm getting tired of this.
I was tired of the workloads and all that.
Minggu keenam, aku ada jugak pergi visit company lain, company ni provides materials, and pergi visit ni untuk discuss fasal harga and all that. Bagi perbentangan segala yang dah di design, and cadangkan bahan and discuss la harga, tengok sesuai ke tidak.
Awas ye, kalau design kapal ni, pemilihan materials penting, sesuai dengan kegunaan, harga dan paling penting berat.
Kalau berat sangat, nanti kapal karam padan muka.
Jadi ya, kena la buat calculations itu ini sikit
Yadda yadda
Minggu ke tujuh, dah mula kena pakai software Maxsurf Structures...untuk apa ?
Tentulah untuk buat structures dan framing of the ship. Benda2 ni penting jugak, segala size, materials, quantity etc akan mempengaruhi berat kapal. Berat kapal ni peranan dia besar sebab dia akan affect macam-macam. Speed, wave patterns, karam ke blablabla
Minggu kelapan, dah kena completekan kapal...segala apa yang kawan2 aku yang lain design, dan apa yang aku design perlu la gabungkan (semua di design dalam 3D). Aku juga diberi tugas untuk buat kerusi...and blablablabla
Minggu kesembilan...ha, ni nak nangis, sebab aku kena buat general arrangements drawing. Bukan satu, bukan dua, bukan tiga...tapi empat! Ya! Untuk 4 kapal yang lebih kurang sama, tapi ada perubahan engine dan propellers...oh ya, sebelum buat yang ni, aku jugak buat tank arrangement...
Yang ni, sebab banyak, dan sangat sangat sangat sangat penting...jadi aku ambil masa yang agak panjang. Sampai minggu kesebelas aku masih buat tugasan ini.
Benda ni makan masa sebab time aku buat, kejap2 kena tukar itu, kejap tukar ini, kejap blablablabla...engine pun last minute ada tukar sikit.
Di minggu ke sebelas jugak aku siapkan fire & safety drawing. Minggu ke sepuluh dan sebelas merupakan minggu paling busy sebab banyak sangat kerja dan perlu kerja waktu hari minggu. Hari sabtu tu, aku kerja dari jam 9 pagi sampai la jam 9.30 malam. Pastu, Isnin pulak...jam 9 pagi sampai 6.45 pagi...
You read it right. 6.45 pagi. Penat tu, tak boleh nak aku gambarkan... tapi, dah ni la jalan kerja yang aku pilih... balik lambat sebab after segala2nya siap, perlu compile kan dengan cantiknya. Dokumen pulak setebal kamus...urghh... yela kena details sebab harga projek ni pun jutaan ringgit, jadi nak hantar projek ni, perlula pastikan ianya setimpal dengan harga. Segala drawings, kiraan etc perlu dipastikan betul dan menepati requirements.
blablablabla
Aku fikir bolehla bernafas lega sedikit selepas segala dokumen selamat dihantar...tetapi...
jeng jeng jeng
Minggu kesebelas, projek lain pulak memanggil2 = ="
Mula tu, jujur aku ingat (dan juga berharap) minggu2 akhir intern ni dapat la merasa relaks sedikit, tetapi ahhh... apakan daya
Pergi satu company, panjat buoys, ambil ukuran blablablabla
Time minggu kesebelas ni memang aku dah rasa penat sangat kerja macam ni, aku tak tahu la apa nak cakap, tapi aku takut akan masa depan aku. Betul ka jalan ini untuk aku ?
Ha, minggu ni jugak, aku perlu buat 3D printing, sebab aku tinggal dekat dengan ofis, and 3D printing ni makan masa...weekend pun aku kena datang ofis...ahhh
Perkara ni berlanjutan sampai minggu kedua belas...
Lepas tu, aku pergi satu tempat lagi...eh dua...ambil ukuran yadda yadda blablablabla
Okaylah, minggu ke dua belas merupakan minggu akhir kan, so hmm... dua hari terakhir aku dihabiskan untuk menjaga booth company. Company yang aku intern ni, terlibat dengan satu pameran ni. Hari ketiga terakhir tu, setup booth sampai malam...
Hari kedua terakhir dan hari terakhir tu, yaaa...ni pun penat ni. Aku jaga booth kan, bila orang datang booth tanya fasal kapal tu semua, aku kena tahu nak explain apa... soal harga ke, engine ke, function ke...apa2laa...
Waktu jaga benda2 ni semua, aku jumpa banyak individu... yang datang booth aku rata2 yang kaya2 aje (sebab bisnes kapal ni mahal, lol) and ada la orang2 penting dalam negara jugak, tan sri, dato etc
Aku siap terserempak dengan Tokti dan beberapa artis lain lagi time dekat pameran ni. Booth Tokti tak jauh pun dari aku...lol.
Okayyyyyy itu saja. Walaupun ada banyak lagi perkara yang aku tak tulis, aku rasa cukup lah.
Looking back, aku pun tak pasti kenapa dan kenapa aku pilih jalan hidup macam ni.
Looking further, aku pun sedar diri, sedar kemampuan aku...dan aku tahu, untuk hadap benda2 ni sampai akhir umur pencen aku, memang tak laaa...
Segala stress aku perlu tahan... kalau dulu aku fikir, belajar ni struggle dia lain macam (sebab kelas semua laki and aku tak da kawan sangat), kerja ni pun...ahhh struggle dia seolah2 berlipat ganda.
Company X ni,pekerja-pekerjanya semua baik2 dan selalu saling tolong. Environment dah agak okay, tetapi stress yang bergunung2 ni seolah2 tak ada titik kesudahan. Lepas satu, satu...
Tetapi, ada ke kerja yang tak stress ?
Oh ya, sepanjang aku intern ni, aku dah tetapkan goals aku sendiri (yang tak berkaitan dengan intern) iaitu : make 300 drawings, relearning Tagalog, learn Spanish
Goals ini aku buatkan untuk diri aku untuk mengurangkan rasa stress bekerja. Melukis buat aku bahagia, belajar bahasa-bahasa yang aku suka hilangkan penat aku. Walaupun goals aku tak tercapai sepenuhnya, tapi aku rasa senang lihat hasil2 dari goals yang aku buat tu... at least, selain dari benda2 yang aku belajar di ofis sepanjang aku intern ni, aku ada benda lain yang extra.
Okay ya, itu sahaja. Big thank to those who helped me directly and indirectly. You know who you are.
And yes, as a 5SOSFam, I would like to thank 5SOS for doing the promotional things for Easier and releasing their second single, Teeth during my internship period. Benda ni sangat2 membantu mengurangkan stress dan meningkatkan kegembiraan untuk insan yang macam aku.
Not to forget, special thank to that someone yang suka sangat ajak jalan2 and pergi dinner...
And to that someone...sorry, sorry...I'm so sorry for being like this, I can't help it. Sorry for not treating you right, breaking your heart and our promises.
Saying sorry ain't enough, saying sorry won't mend everything...I know that.
Oklah, sebelum entri ni tersasar jauh menjadi luahan perasaan yang lebih dalam, aku minta diri dulu... bye!
Pfff...aku tulis bukan untuk kau, tapi untuk aku...benda ni memories yang mungkin aku akan lupa, tapi aku boleh ingatkan balik diri aku, sesusah ini boleh aku lalui...jadi buat apa aku takut sangat? Lalui saja hidup ni.
Kalau nak nangis, menangislah.
Kalau penat, rehatlah.
Bye!
To say that I'm in the right mood, hmm... no, I'm certainly not. But here, let me put it this way, I have no idea when will I be in the right mood. So yeahh...I'm just gonna spill the tea (lol, ye ke?)
Hahaha. Whatever, I'm gonna share my stories about everything that happened...and my experiences in doing the internship at company X. Yes, let's call it company X cause nahh... tak da guna pun cakap nama company, untuk apa ? Hehh...
Okay, like I told you before, I received zero allowance. So, segala makan, pakai, ubat-ubatan, serta hal2 yang berkait sepenuhnya ditanggung oleh my dad. He provided everything that I asked for including a room with air conditioner (yes sebab I princess intern pun kena duduk aircond gituu...lol) yang mana sama bangunan dengan company yang I did my internship at.
Easy said, it only took me a minute to go to the office from where I stay. No need to cross the road, take a vehicle or whatsoever...not even need to take the elevator. Just need to walk for a few steps. Yes, memang bunyi dekat gila, sebab dekat gila...and price dia pulak, hmm tak recommend sangat dekat mana2 pihak...especially student, memang personally, aku pun rasa mahal. Nak pulak sebab kontrak, jadi tak boleh sewa 3 bulan je, walaupun nak intern 3 bulan aje. Per month, minimum RM500... kalau guna eletrik atau air lebih, ha, bayar la lebih (selalu memang lebih). Tak ada mesin basuh, tak boleh masak.
Ha, selalu aku basuh baju dekat dobi, makan pulak...usually aku order grab food. Tak pun, kalau rajin aku keluar la date. Ada je kedai makan yang dekat, tapi kedai mamak...dan yeah, aku tak minat nak makan mamak. (Pardon, aku memang camni, kalau menyampah stop reading, bye!). Jadi ya, hmm bayangkan segala kos ni di tanggung oleh my dad. Aku rasa bersalah jugak banyak kali, dan banyak kali jugak my dad marah untuk tidak rasa bersalah. Dia cakap, tak payah fikir benda tu semua, tu dia dah pilih untuk bertanggungjawab, jadi fokus saja la buat intern tu buat apa fikir banyak, bukan boleh buat apapun.
Hmm... so hari first?
Btw, aku intern ni bersama 3 orang lagi kawan aku, jadi nak kata takut terketar2 (memandangkan aku tak pernah langsung bekerja dimana2) ha, tu tak sangat la. Sebab aku dah set in mind dari awal, aku intern sebab nak grad... nanti kang tak leh grad pulak...jadi, asal settle intern ni, dah okay. Aku pun awal2 lagi dah ready la kalau kena marah ke apa.
Antara kitorang bereempat, aku ni kategori yang paling tak ada experience la fasal working industry. Kawan-kawan aku semua dah pernah kerja part time, ada sorang tu sebab background dia diploma, jadi dia dah pernah pun intern (cuma dekat company lain) and dia pun dah pernah kerja sekejap. Rasa kecik, insecure...ahh semua tu sudah jadi bahagian dari diri aku.
Hari first ? Hmm, aku tak ingat sangat macam mana...tapi, aku agak terkejut dengan working environment...and ahhh aku diberi task untuk explore software yang bakal aku guna iaitu Rhino-3D. Rhino-3D ni, kalau untuk design kapal, memang sangat2 berguna, dan selalu orang guna. Tetapi, agak kesal sebab dekat uni aku tak pernah guna lagi. Tetapi, tidak apala, time intern ni aku dapat belajar guna.
Kemudian, hari kedua, aku dah diamanahkan untuk buat task. Ini memang real punya, sebab ni la kerja sebenar. Aku baca tender kejap, tengok harga buat mulut aku ternganga. Ahhh.
Task aku yang first sekali kena buat ship resistance report. Task ni, tak susah sangat sebab aku dibantu oleh marine engineer dan naval architect yang ada dekat company ni. Jadi, kalau aku tak tahu, tinggal tanya aje, diorang akan guide dengan sabarnya. Oh yeah, company ni, selain boss, pekerja lain semua masih under 30, rata2 bujang dan lelaki. Gitu haa...jadi environment kat sini, memang la friendly anak2 muda. Pfff...apa aku merepek ni.
Ha btw, cerita harian ni, nanti jadi panjang pulak...semuanya ada 60 + 1 hari (pfff +1 sebab ada satu hari Sabtu tu, terpaksa kerja...sampai malam pulak tu)...jadi, hmm, aku nak cerita weekly la ye... kalau weekly aku tulis tetiba rasa panjang, it's okay, aku boleh pendekkan jadi monthly. Hahaha.
Sebabnya aku ni cepat lupa orangnya. Tambah2 kalau benda tu tak sangat menggembirakan aku, lagila aku cepat lupa. Aku kan tak boleh stress2 nanti sakit.
So hmm, as a summary, for my first week, I did ship resistance report and fuel consumption report, I modified and analyzed the data of preliminary power vs ship, I analyzed free surface...etc
Ha, tengok minggu pertama je, tasks bukan main...susah ye anak2, lepas tu kena explore software yang nak guna tu quickly. Memang jujur cakap, masuk industri, it's important untuk jadi fast-learner. Bila saja aku cakap task dah siap, boss aku, dengan cepatnya akan bagi task baru. Kadang-kadang, belum sempat siap lagi, task baru akan di briefing dulu. Jadi, ya, bila dah tau akan ada banyakkkkk lagi task, memang la nak kena buat segala-galanya cepat-cepat. Tapi, awas... kesilapan2 perlu dielakkan.
So far, minggu first, software yang aku guna : Rhino-3D, Maxsurf Resistance, Maxsurf Stability, Maxsurf Motion, Maxsurf Fitting, Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Words
And to tell you the truth, selama tiga tahun aku dekat uni, aku hanya pernah guna microsoft excel dengan Microsoft words je. Maxsurf yang aku guna waktu kat uni hanya Maxsurf Modeller, dan untuk first week aku belum dapat task yang perlu guna software tersebut.
Hmm...aku memang rasa penat jugak la during first week sebab rasa banyak sangat yang perlu belajar, lepas tu dengan pergi kerja jam 9 balik jam 6, tentula rasa penat. Kalau pergi kelas kan, mana ada macam ni, mana ada balik lewat. And...yes, waktu minggu pertama...ada satu hari tu kena OT. Balik agak lewat. (pff...tapi aku cabut balik awal, sebab aku pikir aku cumala intern yang tak dibayar - tapi, ada sorang kawan aku ni, dia kena stay...and kau tau sampai jam berapa? 1 pagi)
Arghhh.
Kau bacakan apa yang aku tulis ? Jadi, apa perasaan kau ?
Aku memang jujur cakap, first week aku penat, aku koyak...aku rasa nak quit. Tetapi memikirkan, kalau quit pun, nanti kena start over... internship ni kena jugak buat, kalau tak, tak boleh grad. Dan aku fikir jugak yang bapak aku dah bayar deposit bilik 2k+++ (ye bilik sewa mahal, deposit lagila) jadi, aku positifkan diri. Tak pa, aku teruskan.
Masuk minggu kedua, aku diberi tugas yang memerlukan aku untuk guna Maxsurf Modeller. And yassss... waktu semester 6, susah betul nak guna software ni, sampai ke sudah aku tak reti sangat pun. Tetapi, di ofis ni, aku kena juga selesaikan tugas yang diamanahkan, jadi, nak tak nak aku kena belajar sampai reti guna.
Aku perlu buat ship hull based on its general arrangement drawing. Lepas tu, aku perlu modify sini-sana sikit dengan menambah chines, skeg and blablablabla. Dah siap ship hull, aku perlu guna Rhino-3D untuk pastikan ianya smooth...kalau tak, perlu modify lagi. Lepas dah siap, aku perlu buat lines plan drawing pulak. Yasss, lines plan drawing yang harga ribu-ribu tu, aku perlu buat.
Lines plan drawing ni, nak buat dia, perlu combination of these three softwares : Maxsurf Modeller, Rhino-3D and AutoCAD.
Tugasan membuat ship hull dan lines plan ni, aku ambik masa dua minggu. Jadi, cerita minggu ketiga aku sama macam minggu kedua, cuma
pffff...ada tambahan la.
Di minggu ketiga, aku perlu cari tahu tentang suface piercing propellers, sebabnya kapal yang aku nak buat ni, akan guna pakai propellers jenis tersebut. Lepas tu, boss aku bagi tugas lagi...katanya aku perlu design superstructure and wheelhouse. Jadi, ya tentula aku perlu cari tau segala maklumat tentang aesthetics values and the choice of the designs etc.
Ternganga mulut aku. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Tak sangka, seorang intern diberi tugasan yang berat macam ni, berat untuk orang yang zero pengalaman, berat sangat bila tahu benda yang aku buat ni, realiti. Lepas dapat tahu yang projek yang aku terlibat ni, jutaan ringgit...lagila aku rasa berat itu.
pfff...kawan2 aku yang lain, pun sama juga diberi tugas berat, tetapi tugasan2 kitorang tak sama. Ada dapat itu, ada dapat ini...sebab nak design kapal ni, bukanla hal yang boleh dibuat oleh satu individu. Perlu ada sekumpulan individu yang memikul sama berat segala-gala tugasan.
Minggu keempat pulak, aku kena adjust sikit lagi hull yang aku buat waktu minggu kedua dan ada tambahan satu lagi hull yang perlu aku buat, sebab ada requirements baru. Degree hull tu, kena betulkan, chines pun, kena betulkan...for better grip on the water gitu.... ahhh...
Lepas tu kena lengkapkan Humphree forms, dan perlu kira la segala VCG, LCG, volume etc.
Minggu kelima pulak... (Adakah anda sudah menguap? Adakah cerita aku membosankan? Nanti dulu...)
Jeng jeng jeng... minggu kelima merupakan minggu terberat aku sebab aku jatuh sakit yang teruk. Sakit yang even nak jalan dan duduk pun seksanya tuhan sahajala yang tahu.
Waktu minggu kelima, aku pun start la nak design superstucture tu, baru buat sikit aku sakit. (Tugas aku kemudian di ambik alih oleh kawan aku - lol). Aku benar2 terseksa waktu aku sakit ni. Tapi, dalam masa yang sama bersyukur la juga, at least tugas aku orang lain buat... tugasan tu dah la susah...sampai ke minggu ke 11 masih nak adjust itu ini blablablabla serabut kepala. Kesian juga kawan aku yang terpaksa ambik alih tu...tapi, kesian lagi aku yang sakit ni.
Jadi hmm, sebab sakit, aku pun terpaksa la ambik cuti. Aku pergi hospital, doktor bagi referral letter untuk aku refer pakar. And yes, doktor cakap, kena bedah dengan segera kalau nak hapuskan sakit ni. Banyak drama air mata. Aku pun sampai tak larat nak nangis.
Aku cuma nak duduk, tapi tak boleh...sakit. Jadi aku menangis sambil berbaring...
Pastu, nak ke bilik air...aku perlu jalan a few steps...ni pun, seksanya...ya Rabbi...memang parah sakit aku ini.
Waktu ni, mental aku memang koyakannya bertambah banyaknya. Aku tak leh tipu diri aku, sakit yang aku tanggung, tak boleh lagi nak aku sorokkan. Sakit.
Aku hilang segala kekuatan yang tinggal dalam diri aku.
pff... kbye, malas nak cerita fasal ni, bila teringat balik memang aku nak nangis balik. Pastu nanti, aku koyak lagi. Memang tak la...ahhh...
So hmm
Minggu keenam, aku kena design bahagian belakang ship pulak...dan blablablabla
I'm getting tired of this.
I was tired of the workloads and all that.
Minggu keenam, aku ada jugak pergi visit company lain, company ni provides materials, and pergi visit ni untuk discuss fasal harga and all that. Bagi perbentangan segala yang dah di design, and cadangkan bahan and discuss la harga, tengok sesuai ke tidak.
Awas ye, kalau design kapal ni, pemilihan materials penting, sesuai dengan kegunaan, harga dan paling penting berat.
Kalau berat sangat, nanti kapal karam padan muka.
Jadi ya, kena la buat calculations itu ini sikit
Yadda yadda
Minggu ke tujuh, dah mula kena pakai software Maxsurf Structures...untuk apa ?
Tentulah untuk buat structures dan framing of the ship. Benda2 ni penting jugak, segala size, materials, quantity etc akan mempengaruhi berat kapal. Berat kapal ni peranan dia besar sebab dia akan affect macam-macam. Speed, wave patterns, karam ke blablabla
Minggu kelapan, dah kena completekan kapal...segala apa yang kawan2 aku yang lain design, dan apa yang aku design perlu la gabungkan (semua di design dalam 3D). Aku juga diberi tugas untuk buat kerusi...and blablablabla
Minggu kesembilan...ha, ni nak nangis, sebab aku kena buat general arrangements drawing. Bukan satu, bukan dua, bukan tiga...tapi empat! Ya! Untuk 4 kapal yang lebih kurang sama, tapi ada perubahan engine dan propellers...oh ya, sebelum buat yang ni, aku jugak buat tank arrangement...
Yang ni, sebab banyak, dan sangat sangat sangat sangat penting...jadi aku ambil masa yang agak panjang. Sampai minggu kesebelas aku masih buat tugasan ini.
Benda ni makan masa sebab time aku buat, kejap2 kena tukar itu, kejap tukar ini, kejap blablablabla...engine pun last minute ada tukar sikit.
Di minggu ke sebelas jugak aku siapkan fire & safety drawing. Minggu ke sepuluh dan sebelas merupakan minggu paling busy sebab banyak sangat kerja dan perlu kerja waktu hari minggu. Hari sabtu tu, aku kerja dari jam 9 pagi sampai la jam 9.30 malam. Pastu, Isnin pulak...jam 9 pagi sampai 6.45 pagi...
You read it right. 6.45 pagi. Penat tu, tak boleh nak aku gambarkan... tapi, dah ni la jalan kerja yang aku pilih... balik lambat sebab after segala2nya siap, perlu compile kan dengan cantiknya. Dokumen pulak setebal kamus...urghh... yela kena details sebab harga projek ni pun jutaan ringgit, jadi nak hantar projek ni, perlula pastikan ianya setimpal dengan harga. Segala drawings, kiraan etc perlu dipastikan betul dan menepati requirements.
blablablabla
Aku fikir bolehla bernafas lega sedikit selepas segala dokumen selamat dihantar...tetapi...
jeng jeng jeng
Minggu kesebelas, projek lain pulak memanggil2 = ="
Mula tu, jujur aku ingat (dan juga berharap) minggu2 akhir intern ni dapat la merasa relaks sedikit, tetapi ahhh... apakan daya
Pergi satu company, panjat buoys, ambil ukuran blablablabla
Time minggu kesebelas ni memang aku dah rasa penat sangat kerja macam ni, aku tak tahu la apa nak cakap, tapi aku takut akan masa depan aku. Betul ka jalan ini untuk aku ?
Ha, minggu ni jugak, aku perlu buat 3D printing, sebab aku tinggal dekat dengan ofis, and 3D printing ni makan masa...weekend pun aku kena datang ofis...ahhh
Perkara ni berlanjutan sampai minggu kedua belas...
Lepas tu, aku pergi satu tempat lagi...eh dua...ambil ukuran yadda yadda blablablabla
Okaylah, minggu ke dua belas merupakan minggu akhir kan, so hmm... dua hari terakhir aku dihabiskan untuk menjaga booth company. Company yang aku intern ni, terlibat dengan satu pameran ni. Hari ketiga terakhir tu, setup booth sampai malam...
Hari kedua terakhir dan hari terakhir tu, yaaa...ni pun penat ni. Aku jaga booth kan, bila orang datang booth tanya fasal kapal tu semua, aku kena tahu nak explain apa... soal harga ke, engine ke, function ke...apa2laa...
Waktu jaga benda2 ni semua, aku jumpa banyak individu... yang datang booth aku rata2 yang kaya2 aje (sebab bisnes kapal ni mahal, lol) and ada la orang2 penting dalam negara jugak, tan sri, dato etc
Aku siap terserempak dengan Tokti dan beberapa artis lain lagi time dekat pameran ni. Booth Tokti tak jauh pun dari aku...lol.
Okayyyyyy itu saja. Walaupun ada banyak lagi perkara yang aku tak tulis, aku rasa cukup lah.
Looking back, aku pun tak pasti kenapa dan kenapa aku pilih jalan hidup macam ni.
Looking further, aku pun sedar diri, sedar kemampuan aku...dan aku tahu, untuk hadap benda2 ni sampai akhir umur pencen aku, memang tak laaa...
Segala stress aku perlu tahan... kalau dulu aku fikir, belajar ni struggle dia lain macam (sebab kelas semua laki and aku tak da kawan sangat), kerja ni pun...ahhh struggle dia seolah2 berlipat ganda.
Company X ni,pekerja-pekerjanya semua baik2 dan selalu saling tolong. Environment dah agak okay, tetapi stress yang bergunung2 ni seolah2 tak ada titik kesudahan. Lepas satu, satu...
Tetapi, ada ke kerja yang tak stress ?
Oh ya, sepanjang aku intern ni, aku dah tetapkan goals aku sendiri (yang tak berkaitan dengan intern) iaitu : make 300 drawings, relearning Tagalog, learn Spanish
Goals ini aku buatkan untuk diri aku untuk mengurangkan rasa stress bekerja. Melukis buat aku bahagia, belajar bahasa-bahasa yang aku suka hilangkan penat aku. Walaupun goals aku tak tercapai sepenuhnya, tapi aku rasa senang lihat hasil2 dari goals yang aku buat tu... at least, selain dari benda2 yang aku belajar di ofis sepanjang aku intern ni, aku ada benda lain yang extra.
Okay ya, itu sahaja. Big thank to those who helped me directly and indirectly. You know who you are.
And yes, as a 5SOSFam, I would like to thank 5SOS for doing the promotional things for Easier and releasing their second single, Teeth during my internship period. Benda ni sangat2 membantu mengurangkan stress dan meningkatkan kegembiraan untuk insan yang macam aku.
Not to forget, special thank to that someone yang suka sangat ajak jalan2 and pergi dinner...
And to that someone...sorry, sorry...I'm so sorry for being like this, I can't help it. Sorry for not treating you right, breaking your heart and our promises.
Saying sorry ain't enough, saying sorry won't mend everything...I know that.
Oklah, sebelum entri ni tersasar jauh menjadi luahan perasaan yang lebih dalam, aku minta diri dulu... bye!
Pfff...aku tulis bukan untuk kau, tapi untuk aku...benda ni memories yang mungkin aku akan lupa, tapi aku boleh ingatkan balik diri aku, sesusah ini boleh aku lalui...jadi buat apa aku takut sangat? Lalui saja hidup ni.
Kalau nak nangis, menangislah.
Kalau penat, rehatlah.
Bye!
Thursday, June 20, 2019
Kapal Kita
Hey love, I'm writing again.
So, hmm dah dua minggu aku busy menjalani latihan industri, lagi 10 minggu, tamatlah benda ni, gue letihh bukk...
"Ala, 12 minggu je, kejap sangat tuu...kitorang enam bulan tau!"
Eloklah kau 6 bulan, kalau total 8 sem, satu sem tu sepenuhnya kau pakai untuk intern. Maka, tak apalah. Aku ni, 12 minggu sebab aku buat intern time cuti sem. 8 sem aku fully untuk belajar segala2 jenis teori dalam kelas...gituuu..
At least, kau intern 6 bulan pun, kau tak perlu la masuk kelas sampai 8 sem, and cuti kau tak da la diambil begitu saja...uwu.
So, aku intern kat mana ? Aku malas nak cakap (sebab aku nak tulis pengalaman yg mungkin buruk bagi sesetengah pihak, lol), tapi, cukup aku katakan dekat sebuat company dekat Shah Alam.
Aku intern ni, zero allowance...so, gimana aku sara diri ? Of course la, pakai duit bapak aku kasi.
Aku terpaksa sewa sebuah bilik dekat satu apartment ni, harga sangatlah mahal, dan...aku tak boleh sewa 12 minggu cukup, kena extra BANYAK lagi, katanya sebab mana ada orang nak bagi sewa kejap2 ni, kontrak konon...ahhh...yihhh
So, sebab bilik aku terlampau mahal, aku kira2, dalam sebulan, 4 angka jugak bapak aku perlu sara aku, aku sebenarnya rasa serba salah, sebab tu aku malas sangat nak komen lebih, sebenarnya...
hmmm...housemates aku bukan seperti yang orang bayangkan, atau yang bapak aku fikir, sumpah, sebelum bermalam kat bilik ni, aku pun tak sangka yang housemates aku makhluk sebegini (makhluk apa ? Hmm, susahlah nak cakap kat sini, nanti kau report kat bapak aku, aku tak nak susahkan dia lagi)
Kalau dia tahu, maybe aku kena pindah la, and duit deposit (yang almost 2k akan burn gitu ajelahh)
Yes nak, you read it right, deposit almost 2k yee...2k tu duit yuran aku per sem tau...)
Sebagai seorang student, sumpahlah 2k tu banyak gila kot, takkan nak bagi free kat tuan rumah yang entah apa2 ni...urghh...
Okay lol, cam panjang sudah aku merepek, kalau kau nak stop baca, stopla, sebab aku rasa aku nak tulis panjanggggggggggggg lagi sebab aku betul2 rasa aku kena luahkan, sumpahla tak da tempat lagi aku nak luah. Aku bukan cam kau, ada kawan...aku bukan cam kau, family bahagia or peduli.
So, dua tahun lepas, waktu aku baru habis semester 2, aku ada tulis satu entri ni (click here kalau nak baca balik), and entri tu dah di view oleh beribu2 orang (ni based on no of viewers entri tu la) and aku rasa bersalah pulak sebab aku ni dah beri harapan palsu, harapan tersebut berbunyi :
"Aku minta maaf tak dapat tulis tentang course aku sebanyak yang aku nak, sebabnya, aku pun belum belajar banyak2nya lagi.
So, hmm dah dua minggu aku busy menjalani latihan industri, lagi 10 minggu, tamatlah benda ni, gue letihh bukk...
"Ala, 12 minggu je, kejap sangat tuu...kitorang enam bulan tau!"
Eloklah kau 6 bulan, kalau total 8 sem, satu sem tu sepenuhnya kau pakai untuk intern. Maka, tak apalah. Aku ni, 12 minggu sebab aku buat intern time cuti sem. 8 sem aku fully untuk belajar segala2 jenis teori dalam kelas...gituuu..
At least, kau intern 6 bulan pun, kau tak perlu la masuk kelas sampai 8 sem, and cuti kau tak da la diambil begitu saja...uwu.
So, aku intern kat mana ? Aku malas nak cakap (sebab aku nak tulis pengalaman yg mungkin buruk bagi sesetengah pihak, lol), tapi, cukup aku katakan dekat sebuat company dekat Shah Alam.
Aku intern ni, zero allowance...so, gimana aku sara diri ? Of course la, pakai duit bapak aku kasi.
Aku terpaksa sewa sebuah bilik dekat satu apartment ni, harga sangatlah mahal, dan...aku tak boleh sewa 12 minggu cukup, kena extra BANYAK lagi, katanya sebab mana ada orang nak bagi sewa kejap2 ni, kontrak konon...ahhh...yihhh
So, sebab bilik aku terlampau mahal, aku kira2, dalam sebulan, 4 angka jugak bapak aku perlu sara aku, aku sebenarnya rasa serba salah, sebab tu aku malas sangat nak komen lebih, sebenarnya...
hmmm...housemates aku bukan seperti yang orang bayangkan, atau yang bapak aku fikir, sumpah, sebelum bermalam kat bilik ni, aku pun tak sangka yang housemates aku makhluk sebegini (makhluk apa ? Hmm, susahlah nak cakap kat sini, nanti kau report kat bapak aku, aku tak nak susahkan dia lagi)
Kalau dia tahu, maybe aku kena pindah la, and duit deposit (yang almost 2k akan burn gitu ajelahh)
Yes nak, you read it right, deposit almost 2k yee...2k tu duit yuran aku per sem tau...)
Sebagai seorang student, sumpahlah 2k tu banyak gila kot, takkan nak bagi free kat tuan rumah yang entah apa2 ni...urghh...
Okay lol, cam panjang sudah aku merepek, kalau kau nak stop baca, stopla, sebab aku rasa aku nak tulis panjanggggggggggggg lagi sebab aku betul2 rasa aku kena luahkan, sumpahla tak da tempat lagi aku nak luah. Aku bukan cam kau, ada kawan...aku bukan cam kau, family bahagia or peduli.
So, dua tahun lepas, waktu aku baru habis semester 2, aku ada tulis satu entri ni (click here kalau nak baca balik), and entri tu dah di view oleh beribu2 orang (ni based on no of viewers entri tu la) and aku rasa bersalah pulak sebab aku ni dah beri harapan palsu, harapan tersebut berbunyi :
"Aku minta maaf tak dapat tulis tentang course aku sebanyak yang aku nak, sebabnya, aku pun belum belajar banyak2nya lagi.
Apapun, kalau aku dah belajar lebih2 lagi and dah masuk subjek2 kapal...aku, pastinya akan menulis lagi...
Apa yang aku tahu sekarang, aku nak jadi sebahagian dari orang2 yang terlibat secara langsung dalam pembinaan kapal, proses2 tu semua...
Itu impian aku."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA turned out sejak entri tu, aku mana ada langsung tulis fasal subjek kapal yang aku belajar. lol.
Minta maaf la ye, mental aku asyik koyak je, sorry okay.
Batch aku, ada 3 je perempuan, sorang dah quit, sorang lagi pulak tak dapat grad on time sebab banyak repeat and banyak subjek belum dia ambil... jadi, aku ni terpaksa kedepan sorang2, berdikari tanpa ada kawan pun kat sisi,aku koyak laa...aku rasa nanti graduation pun aku tak nak attend (aku masih koyak yihhh)
nak harap lelaki...ahhhh tak nak aku, hanya sebab susah sikit, takkan la aku nak bergantung pulak, kalau bergantung pun, bukan boleh belajar sama2 or tinggal sekali pun (sebab diorang duduk kolej jauhhh dari aku, and diorang study sama2 kat bilik diorang - memang aku ni kena sendiri jugak)
doa2kanlah aku ye, moga aku kuat.
So, hmm...aku belajar course Naval Architecture and Offshore Engineering, kalau orang dengar nama ni, mesti la be like...eh...eh...eh...
Hmm, and orang selalu tanya, 'so arkitek ke engineer kau ni sebenarnya?'
Uwuuu... I'm a student laa
jkjk...okay2 cam aku cakap dua tahun lepas, Naval Architect is a professional Engineer who is responsible for the design, construction and repair of ships, boats, other marine vessels and offshore structures.
so hampa clear dak ? Ha, jadinya aku ni (soon-to-be) engineer la, gituuu...tapi engineer kapal ni, aku rasa lain sikit la daripada engineer2 lain.
Okay, berbalik pada kisah intern aku, aku intern kat company ni, zero allowance tau...
Tapi, setiap hari, banyak sangat kerja yang aku perlu buat.
Aku faham, banyak ilmu yang aku dapat, tapi, aku letih la juga kalau kerja banyak and overtime tu macam perkara biasa aje kat sini...and aku perlu hadap ini semua, tanpa dibayar sesen pun...
So, apa yang banyak sangat ? Jadi tukang photostat ? bancuh air ? Ye la...budak intern katakan...
hmm...nope.
Dari segi layanan, orang2 kat company ni, (semua marine engineers) sangat2 baik, aku tak la pernah di buli ke apa...
Ceritanya kat sini, aku kena buat kerja yang macam tahap engineer kapal sebenar dahhh...aduuuuu
Ha, and aku belajar teori banyak2 dalam kelas tu, mostly aku mana la ingat (aku bukan student baik pun),
and software yang belajar dulu, AutoCAD - aku belajar ni kat matrik je, time degree aku belajar Solidworks - ni pun time tahun satu, pastu...ha Maxsurf, memang banyak sangat guna Maxsurf ha, Maxsurf ni baru sangat la belajar, sem 6 baru2 ni, tu pun lecturer aku tak ajar, tapi suruh self-learning kat YouTube, so hmm...faham2 lah yer, basic aku ni tak ada la kukuh pun. Pastu ni, banyakkkkk pulak software baru yang aku tak pernah dengar pun sebelum ni, aku kena guna pakai pulak... makanya aku perlu cari tau dan belajar macam mana nak guna itu ini.
Jadi, waktu first day tu, aku dah disoal macam2, fasal teori yang aku belajar la, apa laa...tengok cgpa aku memang macam kununnya aku perform, tapi sumpahhh laaa aku ni bukan kuat ingatan sangat, aduuuu...
hmm, jadi first day pun aku dah tersentap gitu, and aku diberi tugas untuk analyze wave resistance (untuk kapal sebenar, boss aku tunjuk tender itu ini harga ribu riban, and due date nak dekat dah)
Aiyoo...hmm, sebab apa aku dapat tugas tu, sebab waktu boss tanya subjek apa paling perform, aku jawab Ship Resistance and Propeller. Aku cakap gitu sebab bagi aku, hal2 berkaitan dengan subjek tu senang sikit aku nak faham, but then guess what ? Teori2 yang aku belajar dalam kelas tu, calculations itu ini semua tu, tak pun diguna pakai dalam praktikal ha, sebabnya dalam Maxsurf Resistance, calculations semua tu, automatik based on design and requirements blablablabla
aiyooo...
Harap2 analysis yang aku buat tu betul la tu,
next...keesokannya pulak, aku kena modify data pulokk...hohohohoho
okay, look, zaman sekarang banyak pakai teknik reverse engineering kan, sebab kalau start from scratch, nanti tertinggal kereta api banyak, yela bukannya berotak Einstein sangat, jadi, hmm teknik ni banyak la company aku guna, so... ambil data kapal lain, modify untuk kesesuaian kapal yang aku nak buat, haa...gituuu...
masalahnya, nak modify ni sikit punya payah bila requirement dia itu ini, aku kena make sure horse power and resistance and speed kapal tu betul macam requirements kapal yang nak bina ni haa...data yang aku modify tu, dari kapal yang dibina waktu 2007
kau bayangkan la, sekarang dah 2019 kan, soo hmmm...dari segi power, speed and apa2 semua tu, memang kapal 2007 sikit tertinggal, apa la hmm...so nak modify tu kena macam2 hmm, pastu kena jugak buat walaupun aku nak give up and kepala aku macam nak pecah...hmm, hmm
pendekkan cerita, sebab aku ni tak da bodoh, aku boleh la buat (kalau aku cerita detail apa yang aku buat, and berapa banyak masa aku spend, mesti semua orang boring kan) ahhhh...
So, sambil2 intern ni, aku nak jugak borak sikit2 dengan engineers keliling aku, ohh lupa nak cakap, semuanya lelaki ye, jadi aku ni sebagai perempuan, hmm...tak ada layanan istimewa pun HAHAHAHAHA
semuanya...sangat berdedikasi, susah sangat nak borak2 kosong ni, semuanya hanya fasal kerja takpun kalau tak faham nak buat ke, tak faham apa2 ke boleh la 'borak' sambil bertanya, sebab diorang ni sangat fokus buat kerja gitu. Aku kagum la jugak, sebab aku rasa aku ni boleh gila kalau terus macam niii...
bukan gila sebab kerja berdedikasi tu, tapi hmm... nak habaq ni, waktu kerja 9am to 6pm, tapi kau tau...bincang fasal kerja ni, sampai 1-2 pagi, ada je Boss wasap itu ini, nak adjust sana sini.
Sebabnya, sebagai marine engineer, skop kerja tu luassssss sangat, jadi kalau takat part resistance analysis ni, kira bab kecil, belum lagi nak design system paip, elektrik, engine and lain2 dalam kapal tu, pastu nak pilih2 engine sesuai tu, satu hal...dah pilih nanti kena kira segala mak nenek weight dalam kapal tu, ha, sebelum tu decide dulu benda2 and apa patut ada dalam kapal tu haa...yihhh, dan buat weight estimation, free board apa ntah lagi...kalau lebih weight mestila kena tukar sana sini gitu laa...
bukan kerja yang senang...sumpahhh... buat pulak benda yang beribu2 nyawa akan pakai, kalau tersalah kang, tak fasal2 terbunuh beribu2 manusia and rugi laa duit, harga kapal generally bukannya murah, mahal lagi dari harga rumah biasanyaa...
sebelum ni, naik kapal, macam...wahhh...wahhhh, cantiknya...pastu jumpa benda tak cantik sikit, macam bilik kecil ke dalam kapal be like, 'ehh napa kecik sangat bilik ni haaa, aku nak duduk 4 bulan kott dalam ni'
hmm apa2 laa... sekarang aku tak boleh la komen apa2, merungut fasal hal kecil ke...
haa, seterusnyaa...aku diberi tugas untuk buat hull ye, bukan buat hal, HULL... ship hull.
Tugasan ni, memang sangat2 buat aku tak tidur malam, berhari2, ye laa time sem 6 baru2 ni, subjek ship design, aku mana perlu buat macam ni, tak da advance sangat apa yang aku buat, tu pun aku belajar kat YouTube and salahhh habis apa yang buat
jadi, bila dapat tugas ni, aku macam, alright, I'll do it, I'll try...
jadinya...hmm pening palaaa laa...bila dah siap, kena adjust sana sini, itu ini...dah aku siap aku perlu buat lines plan pulak...dah aku sampai siap lines plan tu, print out semua dah, kena adjust sikit design, dah adjust, kena adjust lagi dan lagi, tiba2 nak kena tambah chine la apa la,
dah tambah, semua benda jadi serabut pulak, kena adjust balikkk....urghh...nak nangis aku, berhari2 aku kena hadap sampai boss cakap okay
and okay, dia dah cakap okay, TIBA-TIBA, tak cukup panjang pulak...adjust lagi, yaaaaa seterusnya dan seterusnya sampai dia cakap okay lagi sekali, aku baru siapkan tadi, harap esok dia cakap okay lah ye...
and dia cakap tadi, nanti kena buat general arrangement untuk kapal yang aku design ni pulak... I-
okay, sumpah aku tak sangka kerja untuk budak intern pun dah susah begini ye, nak nangis banyak kali dah aku ni...
benda yang aku buat ni, akan diberi pada 3 companies (ni yang boss cakap tadi la), untuk apa? hmm...nak bina kapal la...kalau jadi, nanti aku cakap ye nama apa kapal yang aku design ni, mana tau la kan... kot2 ada jodoh kau ternaik kapal ni one day. HAHAHAHAHA.
btw, kalau jodoh kuat tau, sebab kapal ni, kena kalis peluru... kau faham tak aku nak cakap kapal apa ni ? hihihi
and yahhh.... ni baru permulaan, kata boss, dia nak bagi budak intern ni merasa semuaaa kerja, jadi kedepan2 nanti, maybe aku kena buat bab elektrik ke engine ke hmm semualaa
Doa2kan aku ye. Harap aku tak tewas sebelum segalanya tamat. Meletihkan, memenatkan.
Oh ya, aku tak attach apa2 gambar sebab aku ni kalau buat something, aku tak suka sangat pegang phone ke, ambil gambar ke, sebab nanti, phone tu menganggu la...jadi, hmm, nanti kalau aku tulis lagi, aku try provide gambar kapal2 tu semua,
btw, bila time kapal tu nak dibuat, marine engineer kena turun site juga tau, jadi see...banyak ye nak kena buat. Kalau design kapal dari Spain, hmm pegi Spain la jawabnya (doakann)
Jadi hmm, kesimpulannya ?
Kesimpulannya, aku nak minta maaf sekali lagi la sebab pernah beri harapan palsu nak cerita bab2 subjek fasal kapal banyak2 sampai muak konon...HAHAHAHA nanti2, one day, aku cerita la ye, kalau kau betul2 nak baca, kau cakap ye, demi kau, aku tulis pasti nanti...huhuhu...
and yeahh anyway, sebab lecturers uni aku ni semuanya bagus, results sem 6 baru2 ni, aku dah tau dahh... padahal exam aku tamat 29th May lepas kot...yihhh...and aku balik for raya tak sampai seminggu pun, aku dah datang Shah Alam ni ha, for intern...
nanti intern habis, terus masuk sem 7...penat tauuu...aku nak cuti lama2 sikit!
Jadi result ? Ha, ni senarai tampal, belum official, harapnya yang official bulan depan keluar nanti, sama la dengan yang ni, aminnnnnnn
So hmm, kau macam mana ? Pegi intern jugak ke ? Kau datang sini sebab apa ? Share la cerita kau pulak... harap2 kau sihat dan baik2 saja... aku pergi dulu ye, nanti jumpa lagi bila2...
Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
***UPDATE : Aku tulis banyak lagi fasal kapal dan kerja yang berkaitan dengan course yang aku ambil lepas dah tamat intern, click intern kalau nak baca lagi. Hehehehe.
Tuesday, May 07, 2019
And all these little things...
I couldn't believe it myself, that the day I was longing for, for three years finally came...
Or should I say more than 3 years ?
Cause I know, deep down, I know it's more than that.
Today, I had to do the presentation for a simulation of an offshore structure, it's a group project, and not gonna lie, my teammates did all the simulation
and I just had to do the power point and the report.
It's not like I didn't want to do the simulation, I tried to, but you know, I failed, and when I tried to give my hands, they said,
"It's okay, we know you want to help, we know what you did, it's okay"
and yeah BOOM
I'm glad that I have them as my teammates, very very grateful for them.
but,
there's this one guy (we worked in a group of four people),
he did nothing at all, not even trying to help, or even said anything when the three of us busy discussing the problems and blablablabla...
He only participated when Si said,
"Hey, still alive?"
Hahahaha...and then he replied, "yup, right here, sorry for the silence"
and that's all.
I mean, are you kidding me ? And then you think you deserve the equal marks ?
You wish...
And guess what, because he came late just now, the three of us felt pissed, I mean like how dare him...
and yeah, well, we could complete the work with just us three, no need for him anymore, I mean, for months, he did nothing, so...
Hmm and glad that this time, the lecturer knew it and asked us, "What's his role in this project?"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm not trying to be mean, when I said, I waited for something like this for more than three years, it's because he always in the same group as me, for all those three years,
it's not like I chose him, no...
and just this time, this time only, I let the lecturer knew he did nothing.
Yes, you can be the sleeping member as much as you want, cause of what ? Everybody else doesn't want to make it big, cause of what ? We're classmates, blablablablabla petty things blablablabla, Malaysians are too nice and didn't want to cause a scene,
but this time...hahahahahahahahahaha
Glad that this time, I was in the same group with two other exchanged students, they're from Canada, they're super super nice, and that guy thought he could use them I guess
hahahahahahahaha
I said I waited for something like this because usually, when I said he did nothing and it's unfair, everybody else just ignored me, they never really like, on my side,
it's not like I want to be petty, I just want him to do his part, it's too much to ask ?
but yeah well, this time, the guys from Canada agreed with me, and they said,
"We spent so many hours doing the simulation, and we don't think it's fair for us and for you"
and when I said, "I'm really sorry, I couldn't help that much, did nothing for the simulation"
they said, "You did so much already, you came up with the first idea, you kept your eyes on the progress, don't worry, we appreciate what you did, we know what you did"
When I heard those words, I felt like crying, this is the first time people said something like that to me, first time I felt like people really appreciate what I did,
and yeah, two good-looking men, said something like that, while looking straight into my eyes, ahhh
pfff...
and today, today was the first time I talked a lot to them, asked them about their life and all that, and talked a lot about things that aren't related to the study
hahaha, it ain't too much for me to say that, this is the first time I felt like, I have classmates...
pfff...
and then they said, "We like it here, we feel like we want to stay here a little bit longer, but you know, we have to go back"
I wish nothing but the best for them, thank you, thank you for being so nice to me. Look like nothing, but to me, this is big. I want to remember it. I want to cherish it.
That's why I'm writing it here.
:-)
Or should I say more than 3 years ?
Cause I know, deep down, I know it's more than that.
Today, I had to do the presentation for a simulation of an offshore structure, it's a group project, and not gonna lie, my teammates did all the simulation
and I just had to do the power point and the report.
It's not like I didn't want to do the simulation, I tried to, but you know, I failed, and when I tried to give my hands, they said,
"It's okay, we know you want to help, we know what you did, it's okay"
and yeah BOOM
I'm glad that I have them as my teammates, very very grateful for them.
but,
there's this one guy (we worked in a group of four people),
he did nothing at all, not even trying to help, or even said anything when the three of us busy discussing the problems and blablablabla...
He only participated when Si said,
"Hey, still alive?"
Hahahaha...and then he replied, "yup, right here, sorry for the silence"
and that's all.
I mean, are you kidding me ? And then you think you deserve the equal marks ?
You wish...
And guess what, because he came late just now, the three of us felt pissed, I mean like how dare him...
and yeah, well, we could complete the work with just us three, no need for him anymore, I mean, for months, he did nothing, so...
Hmm and glad that this time, the lecturer knew it and asked us, "What's his role in this project?"
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm not trying to be mean, when I said, I waited for something like this for more than three years, it's because he always in the same group as me, for all those three years,
it's not like I chose him, no...
and just this time, this time only, I let the lecturer knew he did nothing.
Yes, you can be the sleeping member as much as you want, cause of what ? Everybody else doesn't want to make it big, cause of what ? We're classmates, blablablablabla petty things blablablabla, Malaysians are too nice and didn't want to cause a scene,
but this time...hahahahahahahahahaha
Glad that this time, I was in the same group with two other exchanged students, they're from Canada, they're super super nice, and that guy thought he could use them I guess
hahahahahahahaha
I said I waited for something like this because usually, when I said he did nothing and it's unfair, everybody else just ignored me, they never really like, on my side,
it's not like I want to be petty, I just want him to do his part, it's too much to ask ?
but yeah well, this time, the guys from Canada agreed with me, and they said,
"We spent so many hours doing the simulation, and we don't think it's fair for us and for you"
and when I said, "I'm really sorry, I couldn't help that much, did nothing for the simulation"
they said, "You did so much already, you came up with the first idea, you kept your eyes on the progress, don't worry, we appreciate what you did, we know what you did"
When I heard those words, I felt like crying, this is the first time people said something like that to me, first time I felt like people really appreciate what I did,
and yeah, two good-looking men, said something like that, while looking straight into my eyes, ahhh
pfff...
and today, today was the first time I talked a lot to them, asked them about their life and all that, and talked a lot about things that aren't related to the study
hahaha, it ain't too much for me to say that, this is the first time I felt like, I have classmates...
pfff...
and then they said, "We like it here, we feel like we want to stay here a little bit longer, but you know, we have to go back"
I wish nothing but the best for them, thank you, thank you for being so nice to me. Look like nothing, but to me, this is big. I want to remember it. I want to cherish it.
That's why I'm writing it here.
:-)
Saturday, April 13, 2019
The Unwanted Role
Back at writing,
Cause looking back, I know I have nobody at all.
And I know I deserve nobody.
Thanks for being with me for the past three months
My life has been really bad lately, and I can't love you anymore because how that's possible when I don't even know how to love myself
Thanks for letting your family visited me when I needed someone
Thanks for letting me hugged your mom for a while,
Thanks for everything that you did to me
I want to love you again in the future
Right now, I just can't force myself to trust or love anyone because it has been really hard
Thanks for being my study partner even when we're miles apart, even when we live in different time zones, taking completely different courses
Hope we can still be that kinda partner even when we're not together anymore
Don't want to put any label, but deep down, I know I'm grateful for you, you're the only one that I have to cherish in my life right now
But I'm afraid it won't be fair, afraid it won't be enough...
I had it rough...
Been stabbed three times in a year, ahhh how can I trust again after this?
I know I deserve to be stabbed, I know I deserve everything that's bad in life because I'm a bad person...
I know you're different, but see...this is what I'm afraid of, would be unfair to you
Thanks for loving me, being a really great boyfriend,
Even if it's not now, when I'm fully ready, when that time comes, if you have no one and want me back, I hope that moment, we can be together
This won't change anything, the way I love you won't change
I just hope to love myself the same way I love you 😔
The unwanted role, that's me.
It's weird to think about how can anyone love and want the unwanted role?
Cause looking back, I know I have nobody at all.
And I know I deserve nobody.
Thanks for being with me for the past three months
My life has been really bad lately, and I can't love you anymore because how that's possible when I don't even know how to love myself
Thanks for letting your family visited me when I needed someone
Thanks for letting me hugged your mom for a while,
Thanks for everything that you did to me
I want to love you again in the future
Right now, I just can't force myself to trust or love anyone because it has been really hard
Thanks for being my study partner even when we're miles apart, even when we live in different time zones, taking completely different courses
Hope we can still be that kinda partner even when we're not together anymore
Don't want to put any label, but deep down, I know I'm grateful for you, you're the only one that I have to cherish in my life right now
But I'm afraid it won't be fair, afraid it won't be enough...
I had it rough...
Been stabbed three times in a year, ahhh how can I trust again after this?
I know I deserve to be stabbed, I know I deserve everything that's bad in life because I'm a bad person...
I know you're different, but see...this is what I'm afraid of, would be unfair to you
Thanks for loving me, being a really great boyfriend,
Even if it's not now, when I'm fully ready, when that time comes, if you have no one and want me back, I hope that moment, we can be together
This won't change anything, the way I love you won't change
I just hope to love myself the same way I love you 😔
The unwanted role, that's me.
It's weird to think about how can anyone love and want the unwanted role?
Friday, February 01, 2019
Harry Edward Styles
Today is Harry Styles' 25th birthday...
And for that,
Happy birthday Mr Harry Edward Styles!
Thank you for being the source of my happiness for ages,
I love you and I hope you know that
I love you and I hope you can feel that...
Back in 1D days, Harry wasn't my most favourite member (spoiler : it was ZAYN)
But you know, after he's going solo, I fell for him hard...
And I look back at those 1D days, and yupp, I regret it for not loving him as much as I do right now
Harry Edward Styles,
The name of a man who is more than just another celebrity for me,
Harry is always different,
He always does what he believes in, he spreads love and positive messages,
He teaches people to be loving and kind,
He's an inspiration.
Thank you Harry for being someone that I can look up to,
Thank you Harry for teaching me how to be kind,
Thank you Harry for showing me how to be positive every single time
I know that people out there always expect more from you,
Writing shits about you,
Giving you a hard time to breathe,
Asking inappropriate questions about you,
Assuming things about you,
Labelling you this and that,
Yet you never treat them bad,
You always be kind,
And still smile,
You always spread positivity during hard times, when people need it the most,
For that, I admire you
I hope and I pray that you'll get the happiness that you deserve,
You deserve the world Harry,
It always feels like you deserve the world,
But the world doesn't deserve you
Thank you again for all these years...
Those years of me loving you...
Those years of you making me smile when it's hard to breathe,
Thanks for sharing your passion, your music and your love with the world,
Thank you for being such a great singer with a great personality too
I loved you then
I love you now
And I'll love you forever
Happy birthday my prince, my happiness, my Harry Edward Styles!
#HappyBirthdayHarryStyles
#HarryStylesTurns25
Friday, January 25, 2019
Calum Thomas Hood
The person who wipes my tears every single time when I cry turns 23 today!
He's Calum Thomas Hood.
The bassist in 5 Seconds Of Summer
Caring about you makes me happy
Admiring you is a blessing
Loving you is my medicine
Until forever, I'll love you
My dear Calum...
Thank you for everything Calum
How you make me happy every single time
Of course, for everything else too that you've done to me, you
Make my dark days brighter
And you do that by just existing and do what you love,
Sharing your talents and passion with the world...
How that's even possible
Of course, everything is possible when it comes to you
Of course, you're not just an ordinary person
Do you know that too ?
Because you're Calum Thomas Hood.
When you're 15, when you chose music over football, when you chose music over school
That decisions of yours, later brought happiness to millions of people
See world, he'd given choices
He chose the one that he believed in the most
He made the right one
At a young age... how is that even possible?
And the fact that he's only a year older,
God only knows how he's more than just an inspiration to me
To be better and thankful
To be confident and positive
To share passion and love
To be more than just a name...
Happy birthday my angel,
I love you and I'll work hard to prove that to you
Hope to God that the day where we'll meet, will come sooner than I thought
Thank you for being my world,
Happy 23rd birthday my world, my life, my everything!
Saturday, January 12, 2019
Zain Javadd Malik
Today is Zayn's 26th birthday!
I can't believe that I've been liking and stanning him since he was a teenager
Urghh look at him now.
A man.
I can't believe that I've been liking and stanning him since he was a teenager
Urghh look at him now.
A man.
Back when I used to like One Direction, Zayn was my most favorite member. He caught my attention first and yeah, he influenced my life, a little bit more than the others.
He is the reason why I started to really learn English.
During his 1D days, he said that he wanted to be an English teacher (if he's not a singer)
and by that, he made me want to really learn that language
Because I wanted to know why, why he likes the language
And yes, of course, that time, I wanted to be an English teacher too (yes, I don't have ambitions, I look up to Zayn, and I can't be a singer...that's why English teacher is my best option at that time)
I learn English so hard because of him, and I fell in love with the language
And I learn to love all those big words, and yes I was thinking that I could do it forever
I also felt like among 1D's members, Zayn was a lot like me
I mean, we're both a Capricorn, like making arts and drawing, good at English (lol, I know that I am not that good but at least, I used to be the only person at my school to ever get an A+, pfff), Asian, good-looking (hahhahhaha, I know I'm not but whatever)
When I first found out that Zayn also likes drawing and good at it, I was so happy, I work so damn hard on making my drawings even better every day
Every single time, when I was about to give up, I always look up to him again, and I found the reason why I started it.
To be honest, he influenced me, motivated me, he's one of the biggest parts in my life
Nobody ever really knows this
But Zayn,
Zayn always will remain special in my life
You have no idea about that.
Of course, when Zayn left 1D, I cried so hard, I felt like all my hard works were turning into dust.
I couldn't and I didn't want to continue my study in arts or English major because of that.
It's just that, that time, I hurt so so much. It felt like the biggest part of me crushed, broken and couldn't be mended.
I tried to understand him at that time, but I hurt so bad that I couldn't do it.
That's how I ended up in engineering even when I did so bad in SPM in physics, chemistry and add maths. Thanks Zayn, you made me face things that I thought I couldn't.
(because I used to hate all those subjects at school and hate them so so much)
Thanks Zayn for everything.
For sure, you've changed my life just by being you
By sharing what you like, your arts, your music and all that...
Now that you're 26, I hope you'll be back touring soon
I know you also miss to be back on stage,
It has been 3 years,
I know you're struggling, I also know you're trying so hard
No matter how many more time you need, I'll wait.
I'll wait for your tours. I'll attend them for sure.
Happy birthday my king!
Happy birthday ZAYN
Thanks for Icarus Falls last month,
I like it a lot
No, I love it. So so so so so much,
I hope to see you sing all of the songs in that album live.
Also, thanks for making my 2018 a little bit better
From Zoems to Icarus Falls, I learn a lot of new vocab, and I can't thank you enough for that,
That even when I'm studying an engineering course, my love for English will never fade because of you.
#Zquad
#streamIcarusFallsforbetterlife
p/s : Zayn dropped Icarus Falls when I was about to sit for my final for semester 5, I streamed Icarus Falls every single day and even studying while listening to that album, guess what, today, I got my result for final, and it's better than last sem. I improved a lot even when I spent my days in semester 5 by watching concerts every day. Hehehe. Not here to brag, I'm no genius, and I'm not taking an easy course, naval architecture & offshore engineering is not an easy course, but heyyy #streamIcarusFallsforbettergrades
p/s : Ajue, please take note. Hahahahahahahah.
#streamIcarusFallstocelebratetoday
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